otago massacre

Undie bloody Five Hundy by machinegunjoe
September 19, 2009, 6:19 am
Filed under: dunedin, entertainment, otago, student life | Tags: , ,


Yes if your not sick of it already here is one more rant about it.

1 – Peter Chin is a dick. “I hope it snows on the Northern Motorway so the cars cant get through” Did the good people of Dunedin actually elect this muppet who like to throw his toys?

2 – Leave the Police alone. They are just trying to do there job, bet you where glad when they arrested that guy who broke into you’re flat earlier in the year. Admittedly they could do a review of how they handled it this year but it was better than in 2008.

Unfortunately it seems to be a mob mentality of Police in riot gear = throw bottles etc. at them. WHY?!?

3 – Canterbury students, they get more enjoyment through decorating the cars and driving than the fires and rioting. They don’t cause it.

4 – Otago students, as one letting into the paper today stated, “congratulations to the 19,900 students who didn’t get arrested or in trouble” Why pray tell has a minority got the rest of the uni by the balls?

Now that I have bored you with what everyone else is saying its time for something completely different…. Solutions! Look at the bright side, you have a ready built crowd of young people practically begging for something to do. Is it just me of is this a heaven sent marketing opportunity? You don’t even have to advertise it very hard.

There was another letter in the paper today that was along the same sort of vein. Put on a gig, get some bands to play. I would hazard a guess and say that there is some small bands in the music department that would love the chance to play. If the University can use them for a crappy TV ad I’m sure they can put there music skills to better use, entertainment of the masses or such like. There is real potential to turn the Undie500 into a really cool festival that can be managed and, dare I say it, a profit to be had too…

Perhaps I am just a capitalist who sees dollar signs or perhaps the Dunedin City Council just lacks imagination and a little bit of flare to cope with problems that aren’t in the textbook.

critic cavern 23/07/09 by ophalm


well what the shit we have another critic. I’m pretty stoked personally to have found out that the deliver critic as far as the big medical school building. this way I can get my dose of critic a few minutes earlier

and what a dose
what’s happened to all the money? because when I read juicy I expect colours, not this old timey black and white casablanca bullshit that my parents had to put up with
when I looked at it, my first thought was “budget” and my next move was turning the page

on the facing page we find out that a surveying student dies, a real shame. was he drunk when he fell into the water? “it appears he became disoriented before falling into the harbour”. it certainly seems like he was, he had left a 21st. now I don’t think this guy is to blame, my beef is with the lack of mention of alcohol. imagine if there was any evidence that he was on any other drug, “p kills surveying student” or “survey shows surveyor died of cannabis!” it just pisses me off the double standards for alcohol vs recreational drugs. I don’t want to hate on alcohol, but it causes more issues than all other drugs combined; and when it appears fundamental to the death of a promising individual and it’s not even mentioned (knowing full well other drugs would be mentioned if they were involved instead) it just pisses me off. I think it’s a conspiracy theory run by the speights corporation to keep the nation enslaved and sorry I’m not open to any evidence to the contrary


I can't think of many cooler graffitis than the word yeast. microbiology, vaginal infections. I do love fungus and anyone who graffitis fungus related things is a-ok in my book

“shocking revelations” about the state of student housing. I feel the word “revelation” is a bit over the top, seriously no one was under any false impressions of the state of student housing in otago? even the “get over it” campaign knows this, and when advertising campaigns are aware of things, only retard rockers don’t. anyway it’s an interesting article, I can’t tell if they are trying to blame students or landlords. they are just saying that shit sucks really. the students lap it up though. first years get a chance to have decent first hand experience of castle street before vying for the flats next year, it’s not like they are conned into shit. they made their bed and now they’re sleeping in it what is the problem?

you know there are a lot of words in this critic. not enough pictures and not enough colours and too many words

just look:
* why should ousa not rush into supporting the stadium?
* laffin’ it up in dunedin
* making a buck out of other people’s bad luck
* rioting with reason: forty years on from the stonewall riots
*a kiwi comic book hero

all in a row. I realise magazines are to provide content but geez. I read the start of three of them. that’s a pretty good effort for me
I have to say that I don’t get the article on comedians. is it mocking them or celebrating them? it’s kinda doing both – poorly. the one about war seems promising. it’s the kind of article I think other people should read, but wouldn’t read myself.. does that make me a hypocrite or simply a wise mentor?
stonewall riots is all about the gay agenda. god bless lsd for unleashing a generation from under the power of authority. but authority made awesome experiences illegal in order to steal back their reign of terror. thankfully it has never quite gotten back to where it was, but “brave new world” style distraction certainly has society tied down in a totally different way, maybe not as bad but certainly more subversive. I see it in other students, it makes me sad, that people don’t care much and that the media has sort of implied that fighting for things is pointless please just sit back and enjoy the ride. I could go on but I don’t think I know what I’m talking about
something about comic books. I don’t get comics. they are extremely unsatisfying and I kinda like the concept of x-men but reading a comic of it sucks. I have to walk past a comic book store every day to uni, and I hardly ever see anyone in there and it kind of makes me sad because I don’t like seeing businesses failing, but that is just a presumption and it is a shit time economically and I just wonder why people do things like that. I’ve seen some of the staff, and they look way too “trendy” and “cool” and certainly look like they think they’re cool enough for modaks but I don’t buy it and sorry comics don’t appeal. thats my opinion about that article

what is the point of bunch of fives? community? an attempt to provide realism? is it the magazine equivalent of reality tv?
it doesn’t make sense. it would be nice if they told us what the questions they asked were. who edits this magazine?

and the rest goes on and on and on. the most interesting thing in the second entire half of the magazine is the second half of the letters which are placed right at the end. there is a charming wee letter about the code of conduct. I don’t know fuck all about the code but this person is asking a ridiculous request, an infringement on other people’s lives and is the equivalent of going to church and the minister telling you that you had to go straight home after church and couldn’t hang around with other people.
CoC lover your name says it all

news watch 16/07/2009 by ophalm
July 16, 2009, 6:00 am
Filed under: entertainment, horrible, otago | Tags: , , , , , , , ,


so it goes. the newspaper comes into the mailbox and I put it straight in the recycling. after it had collected for maybe two weeks I decided to have a comb through it for the shit it no doubt contains. it’s like trying to find a black bear in a hay stack. the only problem is, is that the shit is stale as fuck. despite going through about seven papers, I only have a small selection of things to educate you about.
is it because my cat shit in my office for the third time this morning? that’s not the cause, but it true and very generous of her. it’s because the papers contain the same shit week after week, the ads hardly change, the articles are about the same garbage as ever.. the more things change the more they stay the same. I never understood that saying much when I was younger but I think as you age gracefully, you realise it’s depth.
anyway, there was something to point out in the mailbox:


this is from one of those “what’s happening around town” things in D Scene. some people are at the beach. I call them the “beach dicks” and the guys are especially fruity and it just says “look at us, we’re standing here” and little else. I wonder if they kept that copy of D Scene to show to their friends?


as we should all know, debt is only really a useful tool if it’s for some sort of investment. read the box.. who does that sound like? what have I told you about boy racers? worthless, and now confirmed in debt


this is a touching story of a woman who lost her job, is on the unemployment benefit and struggles to pay for electricity to stay warm. there is a recession god knows some people are seriously struggling, but maybe you would be warmer if you didn’t dress with so much exposed skin? admittedly her shoulder is turning me on but that should be the least of her worries


here come into our fine establishment… you can gamble!


thankyou thankyou michael for relieving us of our suffering. mj dies and the world cries.. all of a sudden people who mocked him for being weird were all “remember him for his great music”.. I don’t think pop music is respectable and he was kind of a clown so I don’t think he’ll be missed


there’s no stopping nan on her killing spree!


morgan tait is not just slightly crazy. she is also an idiot. ring ring “hi morgan tait speaking” “hi it’s D Scene here, what is your weeks column going to be about ” “tee hee I’m morgan tait this week it’s about how we tried to diet with cabbages and we failed look at me!” that there transcript tells you everything you need to know. it’s entirely possible that this column could be not worthless, but morgan needs to read more. or do something with her life first. who the fuck does she think she is?


I just think this is funny because I imagine them as a wrestling trio called the “shit masks”

Poemism for you! by strangelyanonymous
May 4, 2009, 10:59 am
Filed under: entertainment, otago, uni | Tags: , ,

posted by strangely anonymous

Here is a poem I wrote along time ago.

Rising Bile

The woman sitting behind me
Is convinced the computer can hear her
She verbally questions it on why it won’t do what she wants
As if the machine has something to do with her
I might say something to her
If I wasn’t so sure that I would undoubtedly wind up on the receiving end
Of some rant about stress and deadlines
Doesn’t she realise
That none of the other seven people in the north CAL Lab
Would be here if they weren’t under academic pressure also?
At midnight on Tuesday
The crazy german techno gibberish
Hissing out her headphones
Must deafen her
From the angry glares of surrounding students
How sweet it would be to yell and yell and yell
Telling her about my internal assessment
My lack of sleep
My malnourished form straining away at keyboards
Like some slave at the oars
Of his own fear of failure-
But I keep quiet

I hope the computer never does what she wants


news watch 04/03/09 by ophalm
March 4, 2009, 7:12 pm
Filed under: entertainment, horrible, mockery, otago | Tags: ,

destroying others work for a simple laugh

today I bring you only one article from D scene.

spotlight on milton advertising feature


here we have a small hick town 55km from dunedin. which probably puts it in dunedin’s ridiculous city boundaries.


milton is a farming community. it’s also got a massive new “state of the art prison with underfloor heating..” oh my goodness. criminals get it so sweet. they get cells with en suites and they get to live in milton. not only that but there is a vibrant farming community! with sheep and cows, and also logging. meaning that milton is one of otago’s natural resource whores

and you just know that the photographer who had to reluctantly drive to milton was pretty terrible, as here is one of the cities greatest features:


yes they have a kink in the road. most cities have these. it’s a common feature of roads but in milton it’s a landmark, a place for wedding ceremonies and glorious suicide.

the day of stalls by ophalm
February 25, 2009, 3:10 pm
Filed under: drugs, dunedin, horrible, mockery, otago, politics, student life, uni | Tags: , , , , ,

I’m not sure what it’s called. that day when you go to campus and all the banks try to sell you bank accounts and free giveaways.. had a visit today. the weather was shit and the mood depressing. not too many students, as it was also the cookathon, and mainly just muddy grass and hotdogs

teach the controversy

teach the controversy

what else can be said?


stop, tamrtime

stop, tamrtime

tamrtime Globus. there’s posters all around uni. “real food” they say. “no added flavours” huh.. I tried a free sample. it was figgy. “Delicious, Natural, healthy, Nutritious” why only 3 of those 4 words require capitals is beyond my understanding, same with the the lack of vowels in the name


"make it count"

"make it count"

apparently you should only drink one beer. or maybe I didn’t get the message. I wasn’t prepared to go up and see what it was actually about, just stand and photograph from a distance just for you. but it’s a beer with it’s own tap and somehow a beer is being used to promote not binge drinking.. mixed messages guys


have no doubts - they guys do illegal drugs

have no doubts - they guys do illegal drugs

so this is norml. they love that tree don’t they? there’s not much else to be said, other than to note how they love brown

this is what those on the inside call a "deal"

this is what those on the inside call a "deal"

swapping phone numbers so they can swap ounces for money


fitness is the fastest route to public embarrasment

fitness is the fastest route to public embarrasment


personally the idea of fitness doesn’t bode well for me. I know I should, but then I see these guys and am reminded of what being fit does to one


the least visited website

the least visited website

in theory this website is a good idea, but in practice no-one goes to it and therefore no-one trades anything. I’d say “put in some effort, jump on the ship” but I’m not that kind of person, in fact I’d say “don’t go to it” because I don’t want to prolong their pain (kindness resides within)


ignore the girl, she got in the way

ignore the girl, she got in the way

do we really need another terrible energy drink? that’s not a rhetorical question, and the answer is “no, we sure as hell don’t”, especially since the uni wouldn’t sell it anyway, because the naughty capitalists have made the uni a one-brand-of-drink-haven

I also came home freebeeless. and the banks were out in force trying to get those poor students to join their “student” accounts so they can be raped of every last cent by a large soulless corporation. but apparently you get $40 if you join.. something tells me they wouldn’t give you $40 unless they made way more than that back, because they are banks and they are experts at making profits from money, not gullible fools giving away free cash..