otago massacre

news watch 10/08/09 by ophalm


news8just when you thought life couldn’t get more mad this happens. widen understanding huh? at the end of the day though you have two mutually exclusive religions. you can teach tolerance in the sense that one will “tolerate” the other but is that good enough? where is the atheism stand in the middle offering the rational alternative? nope buddy

newas8somehow these people are retarded yet look normal and can speak in formed sentences

news6it took me a while to understand what the fuck this ad was trying to say. what was I missing? tv that’s what. it fucks me off that it assumes that a) I watch tv and b) watch some shit hospital show. thanks to this ad powershop I will never give you sweet $$

news5there are few things that truly call for alarm but this fits the bill

news4no fucking shit. most obvious blatant advice ever

news3haha this seems upon first glances to be an ad for kindy but closer inspection reveals its child prostituting ways

news1a closer look:
“to unfurl the body is to enable the body to strengthen, straighten and evolve to its optimum potential”.. god I hope that people read that and realise what bullshit it is. the body itself will evolve to it’s own potential, all you need to do is unfurl.. maybe it’s this kind of shit that caused the economic crisis?

tales from the pit of despair IV by ophalm
March 28, 2009, 4:13 pm
Filed under: horrible, nonsensical, terrible fiction | Tags: , ,

posted by ophalm

in my efforts to inform the world of the latest and the greatest, I want to present a new movement that’s emerging simultaneously in eastern europe and the arctic, and that is the practice of meatopathy

comparable to naturopathy in naming conventions, meatopathy is an approach to holistic health by making sure one’s consumption consists of nothing but meat. if this sounds crazy, it is. but all the best ideas are crazy

in a nutshell, the scientists of eastern europe and the arctic have discovered that the human gut cannot actually process vegetables, and that it is only the gut of the beast that is able to. vegetables of course are required to survive, but essentially we need the beast as the proxy digestive agent. animals consume vegetables, which turns into meat, and we consume the meat.


I’ve frequently wondered if anyone will ask me such questions as “why meatopathy?” and “how does this seem like a good idea?” and let me tell you I have wizz bang answers for everyone and everything thing.

here are some facts!

  • meat is high in protein
  • meat comes from animals
  • the production of meat pumps out millions of tons of co2 every year
  • meat is delicious
  • meat is backed by the meat foundation
  • chicken is a form of meat

often crazy vegetarians will “inform” you that meat involves the murder of animals but have they ever considered that without meat the animals wouldn’t be alive? that we wouldn’t have bred cows and sheep from the ancestors and we wouldn’t have the sheep or the cow? and what about pigs – nature’s jolly fat people? if we didn’t have pigs we wouldn’t have cartoons based on pigs and we would have less bacon

so is there anything special required to practice meatopathy? well there is a training seminar to be held soon in the golden centre. it only costs $3 and you get a pamphlet and some ribs and you too can learn the practice of helping the world through meat. see meat does not just nourish your body but also your soul, and that my friends is something that cannot have a price attached.

news watch 14/03/09 by ophalm
March 14, 2009, 4:00 pm
Filed under: horrible, mockery | Tags: ,

one article is all I need

it’s not even an article, it’s an ad for boner medicine


check this shit out. it’s called MegaV and I’m sorry this ad is from a christchurch newspaper but this is psuedoscience at it’s best. each capsule contains “Tongkat Ali, Panaz Ginseng, Cordyseps and Horny Goatweed”. These are all ancient chinese medicine, which if you know anything about medicine, you’ll know it’s not actually medicine but correlated compounds passed down through history. appeal to tradition fallacy anyone?


it’s been formulated by this dude, professor sun zaiming


I bet he uses his “fishing rod” on her

“it’s the way these herbs are blended [by a large industrial processor – ophalm] that makes the difference. … a unique and highly specialised method of processing the component herbs to make the most of their potential”

so basically this stuff is bullshit. it’s possible that you might get rock hard from these magical placebo pills but that’s because placebo is a real effect – and maybe because some of those plants may have some hardening components but that’s beside the point..

news watch 20/02/09 by ophalm
February 20, 2009, 8:59 am
Filed under: entertainment, horrible, mockery | Tags: , ,

we read the news because you can’t (illiteracy strikes 1 in 5 nz adults)

so anyway continuing with our theme of hating on psuedoscience here’s chiropracty
now chiropracty isn’t totally evil by definition. apparently some people really may have something wrong with their spine and it can help. but claiming your immune system attacks you because your spine is out line is total and utter bullshit please society stop being such retards! stop paying for this shit immediately

so for a change from bad to good
here’s some strippers! this isn’t really all that funny but it’s kinda sexy and I just want to remind all the ladies out there that if they need some extra cash and have little to no morals here is an opportunity. also somewhere to get sluts for a stag do, because nothing says “monogamy” like prostitutes.

and just like captain cook here’s more scat fanatics

this will be taken so far out of context it's not even funny

this will be taken so far out of context

so this is a band “the biff merchants” who “have just one thing on their minds: public toilets“… “say the best thing about touring is ‘definitely public toilets‘”… “see if the public toilets in the north island have the same song [inside lingo for glory holes? – ed] playing in them as the south island ones”…
they’re playing at orientation on march 6. if you go to their concert may I suggest a poncho

news watch 15/02/09 by ophalm
February 15, 2009, 12:48 am
Filed under: entertainment, mockery | Tags: , ,

we read the news because you don’t want to

sometimes newspapers print articles. occasionally they even have something of relevance to say. sometimes though, the editors have competitions with themselves to see if they can print the most obvious statements possible. this is one entry



and then there’s this asshole

a face only a mother could punch

a face only a mother could punch

if there’s one thing that pisses otago massacre off more than anything, it’s psuedoscience. especially if it’s a form of alternative medicine. that’s probably because we’re not a bunch a reality-challenged “individuals”.
if I may be serious for a moment, osteopathy is a complimentary alternative medicine. what that means is that it’s not real medicine. if a field of “medicine” has evidence to prove itself, it is no longer alternative medicine and is just medicine. but osteopathy fails in efficacy and also it has a stupid name. we believe that alternative medicine is a dangerous force in our society, promoting anecdotal ‘evidence’ over proven scientific evidence based methods and encouraging contempt for true medical professionals. don’t be fooled, it’s not harmless, the anti-immunisation movement (which comes from similar mindsets) has managed to bring measles in the UK back to endemic levels good one