otago massacre


Criticalwats Thursday Thing by criticalwat
March 4, 2010, 5:30 pm
Filed under: politics, student life, uni

criticalwat

Welcome First Years. If you are reading this you aren’t rioting so get to it you little shits..I’m not sure who is posting this year apart from that red cups guy. First thing I need to get out of the way is that the coffee in the link still sucks.. Go anywhere but there really unless you are into “ironically” drinking shitty coffee.

The other is Clubs and societies. If you are interested in doing stuff at university apart from pulling all night study and drinking bottles of horse urine you should probably join a club. There are four types of clubs that you can join

*Sports Clubs: In where you play sports which usually involves chasing balls around and getting really sweaty.

*Religious/Political Clubs: In where you advertise to the world how wrong you are about everything

*Hobby Clubs: In where you slowly become obsessed with your new found skill at t-shirt printing until you are found years later in a dark one bedroom apartment buried under a pile of shirts with “witty” slogans on them.

*KAOS: In where you hunt the most cunning prey of all (man)

If you are interested in joining any of those clubs you should probably become familiar with the push for the university to adopt VSM. VSM is similar to V.D. in that if you don’t take proper precautions you will likely cause your genitals to become a fertile breeding ground for all kinds of nasty organisms..you should probably oppose it unless you are cool with sharing your pants with a fungal colony.

puppies and sunshine and little bunnies

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red cups by mrobotham
February 28, 2010, 3:25 pm
Filed under: drinking culture, drugs, student life | Tags: , , ,

mrobotham

fuck red cups

but before I get into it, I’ve designed a song to be listened to while this article is being read, it’s essential
right click into new tab (it’ll play automatically) to listen to AMBS.mp3

anyway, red cups.
an exploration to the bottle store yesterday left me weary and depressed. at the counter I saw not one but more than one packets of red cups

what just are these red cups? the concept of a red cup doesn’t bother my per se, what does is these red cups in particular. the semi-disposable semi-reusable red plastic cups that have been in american college movies for as long as I can remember

what about it makes me so furious? I guess it’s just sad to see our weak culture as it is be drowned out and diluted by copying shitty things that happen in north america

because you know what comes with red cups? beer pong. one of the rudest sports known to man

and keg stands fall under the same category. the saddest attempts at drinking based masculinity

and it’s not necessarily that these things are bad in of themselves, it’s just so shameful that people in our delightful little nation lack the ability to create their own drinking culture but have to steal shit off the most horrible of western nations and be north americas little brother, trying desperately to copy for no reason other than that they are doing it

and today my friends (you’re not really my friends) you have been shown a little bit of insight into why most of the people around you are worthless cunts. you should still love them of course but secretly hate them a little inside every day

if it’s not a rage you feel then it’s surely a wetness that can only be described as “haunting” and you should feel ashamed although I’m sure shame is a feeling you’re more than familiar with



generic list by mrobotham
February 3, 2010, 10:53 pm
Filed under: rant, student life | Tags: , , ,

mrobotham

mrobotham

one of the greatest things of our mighty exploitative society is the fact that we have enough leisure time to use and extra resources to make glossy magazines for teenage girls to hone their marketed lifestyles
what makes it so amazing is that they sometimes contain lists
like bullet pointed lists that help to inform
of things that are “funny”/”interesting”/”ironic”/”generic as old people”
lists can be made by many people and in fact it’s likely your children will learn to one day make a “list”. this isn’t anything to worry about because I mean even you yourself have a pretty good idea exactly that lists are perfectly normal for people to make and use but they are also extremely effective at a number of tasks and frankly if you couldn’t make lists then it’s time for at least some of us to become afraid.

here’s my list of things that happen around the beginning of semester. nothing here is original or illuminating in any way. this will be like an uninteresting commentary to your rather ordinary life

id cards not a fan of getting them. i mean, I’m going to look like that for an entire year. not that it matters because usually the only people who need to see your ids are old people at end of semester, or if you’re lucky enough to walk into the social interaction that is “looking at other people’s identification”

course confirmation oh fucking god lining up in the link beside the side library entrance is something we all have to do (notice the vivid imagery I have projected into your mind)

PIMS man PIMS is like the friend that you have, but you don’t really ever see him until you need to use him for something he has access to but no-one else does. you may treate PIMS kinda like “your bitch” and if you do I don’t respect you

everyone is coming back or has come back already. some never left. it’s an interesection of human beings in a local community. people are really friendly at the moment. the sad stress of having to go to lectures and pay attention if you want marks takes it’s toll from the very second you go to your preliminary lecture. you’re almost a wee bit excited to get into it and you go there eager and keen – but reality shoves the foot in because from the start time you’re looking at the handouts going “fuck….*fuck*“. I think they should have an anonymous question and answer time where students and lecturer are thrust together in a battle for redemption. students think that it matters but the reality borne by the actions of the administration proves to us the age old knowledge come to life – that those above you rule your ass

rats I have this word in my head and I keep coming back to it when I try to think of another item for the list. it’s unusual because I normally have “dog” arrived in my head whenever I consult it for “random topic for the sake of arbitrariness”

stay hydrated you’re probably dehydrated. it must be a statistical certainty I’m sure – since I don’t drink enough water and I am not an outlier.
or don’t. just eat lots of vegetables and fresh if possible! but don’t not eat em. drink water too.

and so my list is over. some people put more effort into lists and some people even consider some lists important enough that they are to be worked on over the course of more than one quick session. lists like that must be pretty fucking cool and I think I can probably spot a list like that but as far as lists that I personally make it’s just not going to happen since if there is one thing I lack in my repertoire it’s anything good



my acceptance post by ophalm
October 12, 2009, 12:59 pm
Filed under: entertainment, student life, uni | Tags: ,

ophalm

I know you don’t really read critic anymore, but if you did you may have noticed that I (and this site) got nominated for “New Zelander of the Year”. not that I have a fucking clue what a new zelander is but I guess it’s meant to be some sort of privilege, even if the other candidates are probably space aliens I can still accept cheap digs as some sort of weak sauce compliment

and they’re dead on the money. I do strike fear into the crotches of the critic team and it is true that I ran out of material very early on and resorted to ripping the shit out of ads for old people’s house appliances that are likely to kill their owners.
but thats life and I don’t get paid for this shit and mostly I’m afraid that if I did get paid I’d have to compromise on my insightful slice of modern university life and that’s not what I’m about anymore. I once was, but that dude took it too far and even after saying the safe word he still penetrated deeper. I have a scar and now it aches every time I sit down and so it literally hurts in my butte to type these things out.

mast

two members of the critic team. I'm so proud of you guys

so “thanks” and maybe if you’re lucky you’ll get inappropriately touched next year too



critic cavern by ophalm
September 21, 2009, 1:36 pm
Filed under: dunedin, horrible, philosophy, rant, student life, uni | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

ophalm

apparently there was this big rally and people drove down from christchurch and there were riots. in fact it seems that this issue of critic is composed entirely of articles about it. well, there was some other shit but yeah..

 

Continue reading



Undie bloody Five Hundy by machinegunjoe
September 19, 2009, 6:19 am
Filed under: dunedin, entertainment, otago, student life | Tags: , ,

machinegunjoe

Yes if your not sick of it already here is one more rant about it.

1 – Peter Chin is a dick. “I hope it snows on the Northern Motorway so the cars cant get through” Did the good people of Dunedin actually elect this muppet who like to throw his toys?

2 – Leave the Police alone. They are just trying to do there job, bet you where glad when they arrested that guy who broke into you’re flat earlier in the year. Admittedly they could do a review of how they handled it this year but it was better than in 2008.

Unfortunately it seems to be a mob mentality of Police in riot gear = throw bottles etc. at them. WHY?!?

3 – Canterbury students, they get more enjoyment through decorating the cars and driving than the fires and rioting. They don’t cause it.

4 – Otago students, as one letting into the paper today stated, “congratulations to the 19,900 students who didn’t get arrested or in trouble” Why pray tell has a minority got the rest of the uni by the balls?

Now that I have bored you with what everyone else is saying its time for something completely different…. Solutions! Look at the bright side, you have a ready built crowd of young people practically begging for something to do. Is it just me of is this a heaven sent marketing opportunity? You don’t even have to advertise it very hard.

There was another letter in the paper today that was along the same sort of vein. Put on a gig, get some bands to play. I would hazard a guess and say that there is some small bands in the music department that would love the chance to play. If the University can use them for a crappy TV ad I’m sure they can put there music skills to better use, entertainment of the masses or such like. There is real potential to turn the Undie500 into a really cool festival that can be managed and, dare I say it, a profit to be had too…

Perhaps I am just a capitalist who sees dollar signs or perhaps the Dunedin City Council just lacks imagination and a little bit of flare to cope with problems that aren’t in the textbook.



an article about the undie by ophalm
September 17, 2009, 10:32 am
Filed under: dunedin, entertainment, student life, uni | Tags: , , , ,

hobo peterson

ed – this particular hobo peterson hails from canterbury

I heard there was a riot or something, people got a good old fashioned beat down, some white kids did a Haka, some blow-hards blew-hard about it on T.V., but this article isn’t about any of that. This year I didn’t go on the Undie but have in previous years, maybe I am getting too old or whatever, too out of touch with the kids of today, or maybe I just prefer to get out of it rather than get into it. However, one thing I do know about is advertising, marketing and all that business stuff (You can visit me on the third floor of the commerce building if you like, that’s where the management post-grads hang out, maybe we could be friends and add each other on Facebook, comment on each other status updates, join each others Mafias on MafiaWars and so on, but I digress.)

At my time at Uni one thing that I have always enjoyed about the Undie is definitely the effort put into decorating the cars, especially cars that fall into the genre of ‘politically incorrect’. I don’t really buy into PC vs UN-PC discussion, but I do enjoy jokes that are offensive and in your face, or just plain funny, in past years the Undie has always delivered on this. However, this year as I watched the cars/vans line up in the arts car park I noticed that they went through a rigours screening process and anything that was remotely offensive was ushered off to a secret location to be altered before being allowed into the main procession.

undie1

I wonder what was covered up here and for what reason?

undie2

what lies behind the blue paint, could it be a swear word that may offend?

undie3

: this guy lost his penis, is that ironic? Its like ten thousand dongs when all you need is a cunt

undie4

HOWEVER THIS ONE IS A-OKAY NAZI RULZ

One example I saw was the Mountain JEW car that featured an Israeli flag; it was taken off them, and also the J had to be changed into a D, ruining the joke. Whereas ‘incestuous bastards’ had some things taken off them (Josef Fritz was blanked out) but the swastikas on the wheels were kept. Also the O.S.H. van standing for Occupational Shit Heads had to remove the word ‘shit’ from their van, thus ruining the theme. I’m sure if you were there you saw countless other examples of this wicked good censorship. This brings me to my first question:

Q. What is more offensive to you: Mountain Jew with an Israeli flag or Incestuous Basterds with swastikas?

What is up with the bullshit censorship within the Undie, why would a cultural event such as this (albeit a student drinking culture is a pretty shitty culture to be honest, at least it’s better than the Indians, that culture sucks) need to be censored in this manner? This brings me to my second question for you the reader:

Q. Is the Undie 500 event an authentic student event if the students themselves are censored before being allowed to take part in the event?

When it comes to censorship, it usually lies with either uptight nanas or corporate sponsors. In this case I think the people to blame are definitely the sponsors of the event, I don’t know 100% who was behind censoring the vans, in fact I have done no research at all into this other that watching it happen. But I doubt it was ENSOC (they’re cool), I believe it was either Demon Energy Drink or THE ROCK FM ™.

I decided to have a look into this, so after a bit of internet detectivery I have discovered that Demon Energy Drink that sponsored the event have pulled all references of the Undie off their website. (NERDS ONLY: It’s still there in the Google cache though, go wild). Could it be that Demon whose tagline is “Live with no regrets. No Limits – No Laws!!!” is trying to distance themselves from the people that are seemingly doing just that? My prognosis – Student culture has been co-opted by a corporate entity and sold back to the youth, but when the going gets tough (i.e. negative publicity through riots may negatively effect the Demon brand) Demon is a bunch of “rational businessmen” and tries to erase all possible links between the two. Third question for the reader:

Q. Is it okay for a company to mimic aspects of youth culture in an effort to sell more units to that youth culture?

This is not the first time Demon have tried to ‘be cool’ to sell more units to ‘the kids’. Demon Energy Drink Limited also owns Illicit Cola that have been piggy backing off the Illicit Clothing Brand. By stealing their name and artistic style to give their cola the alternative edge through hijacking what the clothing brand has build up over 12 years, in this case a strong underground/alternative/cool image. You can look this shit up on the internet if you want, that was just as summary of the lame-ness of Demon. In closing Demon Energy = phony marketing guys trying to make a quick buck by copying what is cool at the time. Don’t fall for it they aren’t the real deal ™. In the same way Illicit (the drink) has hijacked Illicit (the clothing), Demon has tried to latch onto the Undie, Demon Energy is like your when your little sister claimed to absolutely love punk music especially true punks like Good Charlotte and SUM 41.

BONUS: For a laugh read the side of a Demon or Illicit cola can, some of the worst marketing copy (copy is what advertisers call the word bits of an advertisement/packaging) ever. Except for maybe Ink or Relentless, that’s pretty bad too.

As for the THE ROCK FM ™ they are just happy to put THE ROCK FM ™ bumper stickers on your van as to increase the exposure of their brand. For fun check out the non-riot pictures of the Undie on news websites, chances are there is a THE ROCK FM ™ logo somewhere. the THE ROCK FM ™ website also does not have any mention of the Undie on their website, however a couple of years back they did run a similar event named ‘THE UNDIE 500’ in Auckland where listeners of the radio station ran around in their underwear touching each other or something equally homosexual. No mention of that is on their website either. Is it acceptable for a corporate entity to take the name ‘Undie 500’ and use it for their own purposes, who owns the name ‘Undie 500’ is it you (the student)?

Q. Is it acceptable for corporate interests to censor a cultural event in exchange for sponsoring it, if without sponsorship that event would probably not take place?

By the time this goes to print you have probably seen the Undie on the news countless times, and a lot of talk in the media about banning this or students-at-fault that or what ever. At the end of it, do you care? Adults create the world children live in. Juvenile delinquency is always rooted in adult delinquency. Ain’t no politician gonna tell me how I’m going to live my life!!! (But a marketer might).

note: hobo peterson is the random from the internet. you too could be hobo peterson if you want