otago massacre

tales from the pit of despair IV by ophalm
March 28, 2009, 4:13 pm
Filed under: horrible, nonsensical, terrible fiction | Tags: , ,

posted by ophalm

in my efforts to inform the world of the latest and the greatest, I want to present a new movement that’s emerging simultaneously in eastern europe and the arctic, and that is the practice of meatopathy

comparable to naturopathy in naming conventions, meatopathy is an approach to holistic health by making sure one’s consumption consists of nothing but meat. if this sounds crazy, it is. but all the best ideas are crazy

in a nutshell, the scientists of eastern europe and the arctic have discovered that the human gut cannot actually process vegetables, and that it is only the gut of the beast that is able to. vegetables of course are required to survive, but essentially we need the beast as the proxy digestive agent. animals consume vegetables, which turns into meat, and we consume the meat.


I’ve frequently wondered if anyone will ask me such questions as “why meatopathy?” and “how does this seem like a good idea?” and let me tell you I have wizz bang answers for everyone and everything thing.

here are some facts!

  • meat is high in protein
  • meat comes from animals
  • the production of meat pumps out millions of tons of co2 every year
  • meat is delicious
  • meat is backed by the meat foundation
  • chicken is a form of meat

often crazy vegetarians will “inform” you that meat involves the murder of animals but have they ever considered that without meat the animals wouldn’t be alive? that we wouldn’t have bred cows and sheep from the ancestors and we wouldn’t have the sheep or the cow? and what about pigs – nature’s jolly fat people? if we didn’t have pigs we wouldn’t have cartoons based on pigs and we would have less bacon

so is there anything special required to practice meatopathy? well there is a training seminar to be held soon in the golden centre. it only costs $3 and you get a pamphlet and some ribs and you too can learn the practice of helping the world through meat. see meat does not just nourish your body but also your soul, and that my friends is something that cannot have a price attached.


news watch 15/02/09 by ophalm
February 15, 2009, 12:48 am
Filed under: entertainment, mockery | Tags: , ,

we read the news because you don’t want to

sometimes newspapers print articles. occasionally they even have something of relevance to say. sometimes though, the editors have competitions with themselves to see if they can print the most obvious statements possible. this is one entry



and then there’s this asshole

a face only a mother could punch

a face only a mother could punch

if there’s one thing that pisses otago massacre off more than anything, it’s psuedoscience. especially if it’s a form of alternative medicine. that’s probably because we’re not a bunch a reality-challenged “individuals”.
if I may be serious for a moment, osteopathy is a complimentary alternative medicine. what that means is that it’s not real medicine. if a field of “medicine” has evidence to prove itself, it is no longer alternative medicine and is just medicine. but osteopathy fails in efficacy and also it has a stupid name. we believe that alternative medicine is a dangerous force in our society, promoting anecdotal ‘evidence’ over proven scientific evidence based methods and encouraging contempt for true medical professionals. don’t be fooled, it’s not harmless, the anti-immunisation movement (which comes from similar mindsets) has managed to bring measles in the UK back to endemic levels good one