otago massacre

generic list by mrobotham
February 3, 2010, 10:53 pm
Filed under: rant, student life | Tags: , , ,



one of the greatest things of our mighty exploitative society is the fact that we have enough leisure time to use and extra resources to make glossy magazines for teenage girls to hone their marketed lifestyles
what makes it so amazing is that they sometimes contain lists
like bullet pointed lists that help to inform
of things that are “funny”/”interesting”/”ironic”/”generic as old people”
lists can be made by many people and in fact it’s likely your children will learn to one day make a “list”. this isn’t anything to worry about because I mean even you yourself have a pretty good idea exactly that lists are perfectly normal for people to make and use but they are also extremely effective at a number of tasks and frankly if you couldn’t make lists then it’s time for at least some of us to become afraid.

here’s my list of things that happen around the beginning of semester. nothing here is original or illuminating in any way. this will be like an uninteresting commentary to your rather ordinary life

id cards not a fan of getting them. i mean, I’m going to look like that for an entire year. not that it matters because usually the only people who need to see your ids are old people at end of semester, or if you’re lucky enough to walk into the social interaction that is “looking at other people’s identification”

course confirmation oh fucking god lining up in the link beside the side library entrance is something we all have to do (notice the vivid imagery I have projected into your mind)

PIMS man PIMS is like the friend that you have, but you don’t really ever see him until you need to use him for something he has access to but no-one else does. you may treate PIMS kinda like “your bitch” and if you do I don’t respect you

everyone is coming back or has come back already. some never left. it’s an interesection of human beings in a local community. people are really friendly at the moment. the sad stress of having to go to lectures and pay attention if you want marks takes it’s toll from the very second you go to your preliminary lecture. you’re almost a wee bit excited to get into it and you go there eager and keen – but reality shoves the foot in because from the start time you’re looking at the handouts going “fuck….*fuck*“. I think they should have an anonymous question and answer time where students and lecturer are thrust together in a battle for redemption. students think that it matters but the reality borne by the actions of the administration proves to us the age old knowledge come to life – that those above you rule your ass

rats I have this word in my head and I keep coming back to it when I try to think of another item for the list. it’s unusual because I normally have “dog” arrived in my head whenever I consult it for “random topic for the sake of arbitrariness”

stay hydrated you’re probably dehydrated. it must be a statistical certainty I’m sure – since I don’t drink enough water and I am not an outlier.
or don’t. just eat lots of vegetables and fresh if possible! but don’t not eat em. drink water too.

and so my list is over. some people put more effort into lists and some people even consider some lists important enough that they are to be worked on over the course of more than one quick session. lists like that must be pretty fucking cool and I think I can probably spot a list like that but as far as lists that I personally make it’s just not going to happen since if there is one thing I lack in my repertoire it’s anything good

is this the end? by ophalm
September 30, 2009, 11:33 pm
Filed under: meta, rant | Tags:


is this the end? it’s certainly close to the end of semester and therefore the year. everyone has shitloads to do yet somehow still manage to procrastinate.

anyway, you’re unlikely to receive much new from this for the rest of the uni year and then it’s terribly fucking unlikely if anyone is likely to write anything during the 4 months between years.. soo…. maybe you’ll get lucky or maybe you won’t.. maybe you’ll have sex… or most likely you’ll probably be too drunk on that one opportunity that god gracefully gave you and not have sex the entire time so undoubtedly a fuck ton of masturbation will take place and cause you pangs of shame when out in public and someone points at the semen stains on your pants. this isn’t nice or pretty but neither are rugby stadium toilets after test matches and both happen in reality.

and after that 4 months, who knows? who cares about anything anymore? can anything change? will it? are we powerless? the answers are nobody, nobody, no, no and yes. a life’s lesson in a single sentence -> is there anything I can’t annihilate?

which brings me to the closing. at church they used to know that over the break they lose lots of christians to the “world”[1].. because they get exposed to the world and realise how fabulous it is and leave church.
so, on that note, you fuckers better not stop thinking over this break. working “jobs” causes you to think like a retard and read car magazines at lunch. don’t be that guy


[1]I never understood why, despite that, they still have breaks? surely saving some teenagers from a firey pit is more important than the leaders having a break?

critic cavern by ophalm
September 21, 2009, 1:36 pm
Filed under: dunedin, horrible, philosophy, rant, student life, uni | Tags: , , , , , , , ,


apparently there was this big rally and people drove down from christchurch and there were riots. in fact it seems that this issue of critic is composed entirely of articles about it. well, there was some other shit but yeah..


Continue reading

Sometimes our drinking culture isn’t very good by criticalwat
August 24, 2009, 5:35 pm
Filed under: rant, student life | Tags: , ,


Recently there have been these signs up going around campus asking what to do about our student binge drinking culture. Quite frankly they stunk of the kind of “pat yourself on the back group hug” bullshit that certainly won’t help solve this problem. Why? Because WE are the god-damn problem. Every single one of us who have ever spent a single dollar at Re:Fuel,The Cook and Liquorland are part of the problem.

“But I don’t binge drink. I’m not the problem” Shut The Fuck Up. Yes. Yes you are. Every drink you buy at these places makes it cheaper for them to do shit like Pint Night and stuff like that which turn getting drunk into an “event” rather then an altered state caused by having far too much alcohol in your bloodstream which in turn gives people an excuse to go out on the waste thereby promoting the drinking culture in dunedin.

Writing a few nice phrases about how something should be done on a board will not cut the mustard.

The only way to do it is to firstly stop drinking at these places then to cut down on your drinking altogether (otherwise we’d just be moving the problem) and finally to encourage others to do the same.

(no,before you ask I don’t support prohibition. It,like the current cannabis prohibition was an incredibly retarded idea. Instead I am suggesting that you voluntary stop drinking to stop making the current situation in Dunedin any worse then it already is.)

Who actually cares? by strangelyanonymous
August 19, 2009, 2:52 am
Filed under: meta, politics, rant, student life, uni | Tags:


With all this wank about about OUSA elections, I raise a question, what does it matter? The president is to perform some functional roles, yes. But I could easily do what ever it is they do. Go to a meeting, uphold what ever agreements have been made blah blah (I don’t want to that, but I could) . Essentially, I think it is a role that could held by most people. I’m not saying we shouldn’t have one, but why on earth do they expect me care who it is? As long it’s not a retarded monkey, they will do the same thing. It’s not like national government where my choice actually has an impact on outcomes affecting me. They will not lower fees, get cheaper food on campus or uncover that tunnel opposit the clocktower where you used to be able to get down to the Leith. That’s not the fault of OUSA, it’s just that the University is a multimillion dollar industry and they are not going to let a bunch of kids who have loitered around campus for a couple of years go changing things willy nilly. Of course I am willing to have my mind changed… comments…?

Sometimes news articles are not very good by criticalwat
August 8, 2009, 3:29 pm
Filed under: mockery, rant | Tags: , , , ,


Sometimes some things are not very good. Occasionally I will write about them.

If you enjoyed this article you may also enjoy watching elderly people yell at their television sets.

Sometimes news articles are not very good
Hackers target Twitter,Facebook

Firstly they use the term “Hackers” wrongly. I won’t go into detail of the idea of white hat and black hat hackers or how the term crackers is sometimes used to describe such acts but the common usage of the term (i.e. breaching the security of a computer for fun or profit) does not apply here.

Instead what actually happened was that a large group of computers called a botnet were (willingly or unwillingly) used to request a page on those sites multiple times causing intense strain on Twitter and Facebook’s servers until they went down.

Secondly the heading “ANTISOCIAL ATTACKS”. Get it? because they are attacking social networking websites so therefore it is an “Anti Social” attack? I feel both entertained and informed from this article now.

Thirdly an utterly pointless interview

“For lawyer Zabi Nowald, it was just another day — Twitter or no Twitter — as he headed to work in downtown Los Angeles with a laptop in one hand and a Blackberry in the other.

“None of my friends do Twitter; none of my employers do,” said Nowald, 27. “It affects my life zero. I lost something I never had.”

Why? Why did you include this interview in the article? Who is Zabi Nowald and what does he have to do with evil hackers stealing our internets? Should I ask him about how my posting on otago massacre affects him to pad out my writing?

“For lawyer Zabi Nowald, it was just another day — criticalwat post or no criticalwat post — as he headed to work in downtown Los Angeles with a laptop in one hand and a Blackberry in the other.

“None of my friends read his posts; none of my employers do,” said Nowald, 27. “It affects my life zero. I lost something I never had.”

Generally as a whole article it just kind of skips about randomly listing fragments of interviews and how north Korea attacked a bunch of governmental websites in the USA instead of giving any solid reasons about why someone might of done this and what the possible implications could be (outside of twitter)


Much like how when you think you have finished being violently ill then a bit more comes up sometimes I will write more words at the end of my posts.

Sometimes News Corp is not very good

  • Recently they decided they aren’t making enough money from advertising so they are going to start charging people for all of the content on their websites. From an interview with Rupert Murdoch in the article “To stop readers simply migrating to the free news websites of rivals, News Corp would “just make our content better and differentiate it from other people”” (link)
  • Rupert Murdoch is also mad about amazon not giving him more money and the names of subscribers from people who buy the subscriptions on the Kindle e-book reader to the wall street journal. Zabi Nowald could not be reached for comment (link)

a girl bitches about girls by loisweathers
July 15, 2009, 6:00 am
Filed under: guide, horrible, meta, rant | Tags: , , , ,

lois weathers

Girls are insane.
We dont share, we dislike people for no apparent reason and we cry constantly. What happened to us huh guys? Why do we fight against each other so much? And why is it almost always over boys?! Its reached a pathetic stage; we need to grow up and learn from past mistakes. And since when did facebook become our lives? There is no need to update it by txt, noone cares what you’re doing that much

First off, the flirting thing. Yes it feels good to be flirted with, lets you know you’re still hawt and gives a wee spike of fun if you’re in a relationship – jealous guys are hot.
But is it really worth it when a non-single girl you know fancies this other boy too and is also trying to flirt with him? That’s verging on mean right? I mean sure if you’re single and he’s single, the other bitch is just competition and you need to stamp her out, but if you’ve already got one you need to back the fuck off.


nothing like stock imagery to make a post more complete

Second if you see someone flirting with a good looking guy and he’s flirting back dont fuck up the situation by going over there and saying some dumb shit, that’s again mean. These things may seem small to begin with, I mean it was just some dumb guy and we all know they are stupid. But girls seem to take these small insignificant things and blow them up to gigantic proportions and next thing you know those two girls are sworn enemies and all of the friends of each of the girls have to hate the other and it just forms these giant cliques that are so irritating because then if your friend hates this girl because she ruined her almost relationship with that guy (which by the way was never going to be anything because lets face it casual elevator flirting isnt really going to turn into a marrage (but the stupid thing is that even though you think it will, it won’t!! and you aren’t the exception that it’s totally going to happen for, it’s just not happening)) but anyway then you can’t borrow that cool dress she had that totally fitted you because your friend hates her then you totally want that dress so you have to secretly visit the other girl who you friend hates to get this dress and next thing you know you’re in two cliques and you can’t be in two cliques, whose side are you on if you’re in both cliques!?!? I hope girls are reading this and realising how bullshit it sounds. Please just get over yourself. It’s irritating cos as Im writing this I can tell people will be like “But sarah totally fuked me over way more than those other stories” I just want you to step back and take a good look at why you actually hate “sarah” and try and understand that its a bull shit reason.

things to hate by ophalm
June 7, 2009, 9:04 pm
Filed under: nonsensical, rant | Tags: ,

posted by ophalm

I saw a video today in the foyer to the doctors. it was about a child, who was learning to use toilet, had those pull up nappies (the video was sponsored by them) and the child told us how he had a stand and a seat thing, an alphabet on the wall to entertain him and then spoke of a glorious idea; see not only did he have these first world treats but he also got a sticker every time he managed to use the toilet itself (and presumably not his pants) for toilet time

if only I could get such a reward. see, about 5 minutes ago I was actually on the toilet taking a rather average shit. I also took the latest dscene in there with me. normally I only have dscene because I’m out doing my errands and I see it, but this one was delivered straight into my mail box.

there’s a ridiculous column about “student life” with morgan tait. god it is terrible. I think it’s only her second entry but damn she’s already out of material and is scraping her p pipe with a paper clip but the sad truth is, is that she scraped it clean last week. she’s created a “list” of things that annoy everyone (her) during these precious study hours. she doesn’t like tights, as they are a fashion travesty. why she cares I don’t know, and she doesn’t like vibrate on cell phones. (to be honest I understand why she cares about other people’s fashions, but not why she cares enough to suggest people actually change the way they dress just to suit her – fuck her)

anyway like I said this list was terrible. most lists are. most people when they sit down at their stupid computers to write their stupid lists have no fucking clue what they’re going to write, then write the first thing that comes to their unoriginal little mind, and then post it, sit back, chap their lips and think “damn, this is good”. do they ever ask “has anyone considered this before” or “did that guy really use a condom last night?” and the answer is no they don’t think about a god damn thing they just write and post.

arguably I do the same thing. I’m completely aware that I write without thinking and I know that I never wear condoms when having sex with other dudes. I can’t feel anything otherwise

and I have a different set of things to hate. not just things that I hate but things the world over can join me in hating. well the rich western world only, sudanese refugees wish they could eat, let alone have enough excess resources to blander on about irrelevant junk

so the list.

things to hate

the word “blander”
I made it up just before. it sounds fucking stupid. the context I used it in gave it the definition of something like “rubbish”, it reads like it’s an improper form of “more bland” but truth be told, it’s a word that means “characterized by a moderate, unperturbed, or tranquil quality”… unperturbed, or tranquil quality… evidentially I just had a blander shit!

extreme anything
I know this isn’t particularly original, it’s just that I saw these extreme bandages sitting on my desk and what the fuck


where are the extreme tampons?

the other day I was doing some rock climbing myself and just when I thought I wasn’t going to fall I fell and “OH GOD PLEASE MY ARM IS BROKEN AND MY LEG IS ALSO BROKEN OH FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING GOOD PLEASE GIVE ME SOMETHING TO STOP THIS EXTREME PAIN” and thankfully the ambo driver had a pack of extreme bandages so everything was all good since to chase the searing pain I had some mountain dew but what I really wanted was some morphine, not because I’m addicted to opiates but purely to do something about the pain and injury which the extreme bandage most likely isn’t doing

boy racers
I also hate girl racers. it’s the racer part I strongly despise; not the gender
and it’s not that I hate cars. I do hate cars (hypocritically since I drive in one from time to time), but what it’s worse than cars are people that care about so much about cars that they lose all grasp of general common sense, don massive baggy pants, impregnate their girlfriends with fetal alcohol prone babies and spend all fucking day driving around the bottom of cargill street behind the meridian. I sometimes wonder if the old cash converters is actually a drug dealing outfit because it’s the only way it could possibly make any money, and it would at least give the racers a reason to be there. but they probably don’t deal drugs (not good drugs anyway) and so there is no reason for boy racers to be there. there is no real reason for them to exist apart from the fact that our society is fucked to the point where they can exist, and even get on the news

sometimes I like to know ‘whats up’ so I go to stuff. they recently changed the way their website works and it’s not better or worse, it’s just as shit. it does expose just how deep that shit is however. I imagine it like taking an old dog turd, (which stuff used to be) but now they’ve gotten a trowel and scraped half of it away so not only can we see just how thick that shit was, but unleash that fresh dog shit scent that was locked away hidden in the treasure trove of dried turd
you used to have to scroll to the bottom to find out what the hopeless public spent all their time looking at but now that information is near the top on the right. if there is any story whatsoever that even sounds like it could involve boobies or sex or sexiness it’s at the top. even if the article is totally devoid of anything sexy. and that goes to show you the readership. and when it comes to stories, well they have the shittiest. a few times last year (or the year before) I posted a few times on the opinion section (related to the party pill fiasco) and while it achieved nothing, at least I could do it. you can still post opinions, but not on every article, just on the ones stuff decides you can.
and which articles are these? the ones with true controversy? the ones where public opinion could be handy to know? you can fuck off if you think those ideas because they open the opinion to the posts about “what are celebrities twittering about”.
I have a brilliant idea. stuff should open all stories to opinion, require a login, and allow more than one thread to be created for a story. turn it into a forum basically, but a news driven one. it would be a brilliant idea, and I’m probably giving away a million $$ idea by saying it, but it wouldn’t totally suck fat cock like their current “ruffle no feathers” attitude

as it turns out there might be a lot of things to hate. this might become a multi part episode of epic propungents