otago massacre

Poemism for you! by strangelyanonymous
May 4, 2009, 10:59 am
Filed under: entertainment, otago, uni | Tags: , ,

posted by strangely anonymous

Here is a poem I wrote along time ago.

Rising Bile

The woman sitting behind me
Is convinced the computer can hear her
She verbally questions it on why it won’t do what she wants
As if the machine has something to do with her
I might say something to her
If I wasn’t so sure that I would undoubtedly wind up on the receiving end
Of some rant about stress and deadlines
Doesn’t she realise
That none of the other seven people in the north CAL Lab
Would be here if they weren’t under academic pressure also?
At midnight on Tuesday
The crazy german techno gibberish
Hissing out her headphones
Must deafen her
From the angry glares of surrounding students
How sweet it would be to yell and yell and yell
Telling her about my internal assessment
My lack of sleep
My malnourished form straining away at keyboards
Like some slave at the oars
Of his own fear of failure-
But I keep quiet

I hope the computer never does what she wants


Surcharges. What the shit!?!? by loisweathers
April 22, 2009, 8:20 pm
Filed under: drugs, dunedin, entertainment, horrible | Tags: , , ,

poasted by lois weathers

So I’m just a kid right, new to the whole bar scene. But don’t be fooled, I’m adaptable, I’ve gotten into it like a fish in water. Or as it be fresher in a pool of booze and barf.

This whole bar scene is very exciting, Im not a major piss fiend myself but I enjoy a social drink or two. And I rock some moves on the D floor. I have however seen the hard core piss fiends that seem to really enjoy getting so fucked up they cant even walk… with their scrumpy bottles attached to their hands, lying on the vomit covered ground. Sick fucks. Anywho. As you can see I think binge drinking is a really big issue in Dunedin. Otago is really seen as a party uni and that you can get by hungover. Some of you may find it really fun getting wasted and having to get a new liver later on in life but I think a few people are on my track and enjoy maybe one or two drinks and a fun night dancing. But those money hungry bar owners wont take that shit.

You may remember a while ago the bowler did this deal in which you would get a cheaper deal buying 5 or 6 of one drink than you would only buying 1 or 2. So the bargin deal makes us think we HAVE to get 6. Then suddenly your left with 6 drinks all at the same time that you have to skull down. The DCC went down hard on this as uni students were getting really fucked up and smashing shit. Now most money hungry bars would take this as a warning and most did until they came up with this new plot. Now this one is tricky to see through. Ten bar has a surcharge of $5 they put at the door. At first I was like “what the fuck makes 10 bar so fucking special!?” I mean they have sticky floors and urine/vomit covered toilets just like the rest of the bars. Why should I pay $5 to listen to the same music that’s in every other place? Then the bouncer kindly informed me that you got a free tequilla shot with it. I was interested a his definition that the shot was “free”.

But was it really? I was paying $5 to get in… And then getting a drink. Seems a bit fishy to me. What if I was sober driver for my friends?? I paid to get into the bar, and then their offering me this free shot. Whats a kid to do? And the choice of a shot was really a masterful one. As most people want some other drink after to get the rancid taste of tequila out of thier mouth. This is just asking for uni students to go in and get fucked up and smash some shit. But they’ve done it in this cunning way called a “surcharge”
Just wait man, my prediction is that soon every bar will have a “surcharge” that come with a “free” drink and then the worst will happen. Soon there will just be surcharges with no drink!!! Say no now dunedin!! We don’t want to be Sydney!!!!
Thanks for reading. LOL

recession on wall street by ophalm
March 27, 2009, 5:50 pm
Filed under: dunedin, entertainment, horrible, mockery | Tags: , , , ,

posted by ophalm


it's so shiny!

what do we have here? apparently someone didn’t get the message that the world’s economy has turned to ass and they’ve decided to build a new mall. in dunedin. and name it after a street that houses most of the banks that shat directly into our faces


wall street on george street

being the kind of person I am, I’m actually offended by this mall. not because of anything in particular but because of everything in particular. I hate malls. I’m from christchurch which is like the land of milk, honey and malls. and in the process of building the malls they tore down the milk and honey so now it’s just malls. I can think of 5 large malls in christchurch which all have identical stores and in have turned the centre of town (through drawing people away from it) from something once unique to a cesspit of boy racers and.. well there’s nothing worse than boy racers

and this is what malls do. they have the same shit as every other mall so that people can spend their money in the same way at a number of different geographic locations and look the same as others.


and I think this mall must have been built on some ancient indian/aboriginal/african/rasta burial ground because they had this guy “patrolling” the mall, or maybe he was the attraction? when he saw me take a picture of him he smiled and didn’t try to stab me so he’s being paid well enough evidently


the mall is not finished. it’s open to the public and no-one has died yet but they are desperate for your dollars so here you go. it’s still a mall. it’s still terrible and hopefully unsafe. you know it’s kind of like a european dance club, minus the strippers – which in this case would have been the only redeeming feature


they have a light show. this non-moving image doesn’t show it but those lights change colour. what a great use of the cities electricity. right above bras n things. I wonder what they sell in bras and things? cats? I guess at the very least this mall might give us some sexy underwear. underwear tainted with mall


and then there is this. life pharmacy. I’m tempted for my life’s goal to be to bring down the life pharmacy corporation. I’m calling a boycott of the place. just look at it.
I have on 1st/2nd hand knowledge that this place wants your money more than they want you well. “sometimes you need to decide between selling up, or giving the customer the best medicine for them”.. I’m glad profits come before people’s health..

all in all this new mall is nothing but a mall. right now it looks new but in 10 years time it’ll look like the meridian. and people will want a new mall. but malls are the bane of a human’s existence. they destroy community, originality and fun. they attract the worst kind of people possible and they give us nothing.
yet people want them! I talked to some older woman once who were lamenting about this new mall “oh it’ll be great” etc etc and I told them of the legend of how the malls in christchurch destroyed the unique inner city and asked if they were saying that they were willing to sacrifice uniqueness for convenience and when put in those words they said “I.. guess so”.
ultimately the sad point here is that the mall is just a response to the retarded population’s desire to spend money without thinking. I will make it my life’s goal to not spend a cent in there. and bring down life pharmacy. I have a few life goals.

ripping off the clone wars by ophalm
March 25, 2009, 2:50 pm
Filed under: horrible, student life | Tags: ,

as you may know lois weathers made a detailed report on the clone wars, but it appears that student life are trying to take the credit


I stole this and scanned it

I have little to say about this really other than to mention the irony of the whole thing (student life telling people to be individuals) and to say that they ripped us off and I’d like $20 please

you’re not cool enough for modaks by ophalm
February 20, 2009, 7:00 am
Filed under: dunedin, guide, mockery | Tags: ,

you’re not cool enough for modaks

a pretentious espresso shop

pretentious people at a pretentious coffee shop


thats’s not to say that you’re not cool, you might be the coolest motherfucker in town. it’s just to say that no-one is cool enough for modaks.
see those people in the picture who think they’re cool enough to drink on the street at modaks? they’re not cool enough. they’re not even close.

not even the employees are cool enough.

no-one can ever be cool enough for modaks. no-one can ever be alternative enough for modaks. sure they have awesome seasoned fries and an expensive array of cold drinks, but there’s nothing you can ever do to be cool enough.

you’re allowed to still go there of course, but the entire time you’ll be aware of the simple fact that that you’re just not cool enough. the people who sit on the street with their checker pants and black hair and tattoos, they attempt to understand what it is to be a true modakker, they’d even lead you to believe that’s what is required. but they’re way off, they have no clue. no-one does. am I making my point clear?

hopefully dozens of people are not disappointed into falling into the delusion that they are cool enough to sit outside modaks thanks to this post. hopefully people don’t go home crying to mummy and hopefully no-one ever wonders what life would be life if they were cool enough. it’s not gonna happen.