otago massacre


it’s dead
July 27, 2010, 9:40 pm
Filed under: meta

ophalm

ophalm

this site is dead just check this shit out

as you can see it’s in a vegetable state right now. don’t ever expect anything from here again, except maybe another “this site is over” post in a few weeks just as a reminder that it is in fact dead. to be honest though I’m a bit proud of how many people (bots) are still visiting this place and to be even more honest this post will probably attract a few too. its fucked but so is your future so we’re all on the same level

also critic is p child like this year thumbs down homo jo

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welp
January 6, 2010, 2:09 pm
Filed under: meta

ophalm

well it’s another year
and what of it?

I’ve spent the last couple months doing a lot of things, and one of them has been debating what to do with this site

and the conclusion is: just leave it the fuck alone..

it’s tempting almost to crank it back up for another year, but I don’t want just another year. it would have to be bigger and better than last year. and that would require money. I almost emailed a couple of places (the cook and PB technology) about sponsorshop, in fact I did email the cook but I must have put the wrong address in as it bounced back and my motivation was scarred..

(it also doesn’t help that wordpress is fucking out on me all the time. you just can’t get good shit for free no-more)

and so without money I can’t find a way to encourage more content and my mind has run out of wit and so while I’m not going to shut this down, don’t expect any kind of regular update or anything ever again.. unless for some reason there is massive public outcry but it’s unlikely seeing as I don’t think this site was really all that popular anyway

of course if other people want to contribute they can, if someone wants to take over I might even hand over the reigns if they seem worthy enough.. but these things are unlikely and I’m only putting them here to make it seem like there is a possibility something else may ever be posted here



my acceptance post
October 12, 2009, 12:59 pm
Filed under: entertainment, student life, uni | Tags: ,

ophalm

I know you don’t really read critic anymore, but if you did you may have noticed that I (and this site) got nominated for “New Zelander of the Year”. not that I have a fucking clue what a new zelander is but I guess it’s meant to be some sort of privilege, even if the other candidates are probably space aliens I can still accept cheap digs as some sort of weak sauce compliment

and they’re dead on the money. I do strike fear into the crotches of the critic team and it is true that I ran out of material very early on and resorted to ripping the shit out of ads for old people’s house appliances that are likely to kill their owners.
but thats life and I don’t get paid for this shit and mostly I’m afraid that if I did get paid I’d have to compromise on my insightful slice of modern university life and that’s not what I’m about anymore. I once was, but that dude took it too far and even after saying the safe word he still penetrated deeper. I have a scar and now it aches every time I sit down and so it literally hurts in my butte to type these things out.

mast

two members of the critic team. I'm so proud of you guys

so “thanks” and maybe if you’re lucky you’ll get inappropriately touched next year too



is this the end?
September 30, 2009, 11:33 pm
Filed under: meta, rant | Tags:

ophalm

is this the end? it’s certainly close to the end of semester and therefore the year. everyone has shitloads to do yet somehow still manage to procrastinate.

anyway, you’re unlikely to receive much new from this for the rest of the uni year and then it’s terribly fucking unlikely if anyone is likely to write anything during the 4 months between years.. soo…. maybe you’ll get lucky or maybe you won’t.. maybe you’ll have sex… or most likely you’ll probably be too drunk on that one opportunity that god gracefully gave you and not have sex the entire time so undoubtedly a fuck ton of masturbation will take place and cause you pangs of shame when out in public and someone points at the semen stains on your pants. this isn’t nice or pretty but neither are rugby stadium toilets after test matches and both happen in reality.

and after that 4 months, who knows? who cares about anything anymore? can anything change? will it? are we powerless? the answers are nobody, nobody, no, no and yes. a life’s lesson in a single sentence -> is there anything I can’t annihilate?

which brings me to the closing. at church they used to know that over the break they lose lots of christians to the “world”[1].. because they get exposed to the world and realise how fabulous it is and leave church.
so, on that note, you fuckers better not stop thinking over this break. working “jobs” causes you to think like a retard and read car magazines at lunch. don’t be that guy

punk

[1]I never understood why, despite that, they still have breaks? surely saving some teenagers from a firey pit is more important than the leaders having a break?



critic cavern
September 21, 2009, 1:36 pm
Filed under: dunedin, horrible, philosophy, rant, student life, uni | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

ophalm

apparently there was this big rally and people drove down from christchurch and there were riots. in fact it seems that this issue of critic is composed entirely of articles about it. well, there was some other shit but yeah..

 

Continue reading



an article about the undie
September 17, 2009, 10:32 am
Filed under: dunedin, entertainment, student life, uni | Tags: , , , ,

hobo peterson

ed – this particular hobo peterson hails from canterbury

I heard there was a riot or something, people got a good old fashioned beat down, some white kids did a Haka, some blow-hards blew-hard about it on T.V., but this article isn’t about any of that. This year I didn’t go on the Undie but have in previous years, maybe I am getting too old or whatever, too out of touch with the kids of today, or maybe I just prefer to get out of it rather than get into it. However, one thing I do know about is advertising, marketing and all that business stuff (You can visit me on the third floor of the commerce building if you like, that’s where the management post-grads hang out, maybe we could be friends and add each other on Facebook, comment on each other status updates, join each others Mafias on MafiaWars and so on, but I digress.)

At my time at Uni one thing that I have always enjoyed about the Undie is definitely the effort put into decorating the cars, especially cars that fall into the genre of ‘politically incorrect’. I don’t really buy into PC vs UN-PC discussion, but I do enjoy jokes that are offensive and in your face, or just plain funny, in past years the Undie has always delivered on this. However, this year as I watched the cars/vans line up in the arts car park I noticed that they went through a rigours screening process and anything that was remotely offensive was ushered off to a secret location to be altered before being allowed into the main procession.

undie1

I wonder what was covered up here and for what reason?

undie2

what lies behind the blue paint, could it be a swear word that may offend?

undie3

: this guy lost his penis, is that ironic? Its like ten thousand dongs when all you need is a cunt

undie4

HOWEVER THIS ONE IS A-OKAY NAZI RULZ

One example I saw was the Mountain JEW car that featured an Israeli flag; it was taken off them, and also the J had to be changed into a D, ruining the joke. Whereas ‘incestuous bastards’ had some things taken off them (Josef Fritz was blanked out) but the swastikas on the wheels were kept. Also the O.S.H. van standing for Occupational Shit Heads had to remove the word ‘shit’ from their van, thus ruining the theme. I’m sure if you were there you saw countless other examples of this wicked good censorship. This brings me to my first question:

Q. What is more offensive to you: Mountain Jew with an Israeli flag or Incestuous Basterds with swastikas?

What is up with the bullshit censorship within the Undie, why would a cultural event such as this (albeit a student drinking culture is a pretty shitty culture to be honest, at least it’s better than the Indians, that culture sucks) need to be censored in this manner? This brings me to my second question for you the reader:

Q. Is the Undie 500 event an authentic student event if the students themselves are censored before being allowed to take part in the event?

When it comes to censorship, it usually lies with either uptight nanas or corporate sponsors. In this case I think the people to blame are definitely the sponsors of the event, I don’t know 100% who was behind censoring the vans, in fact I have done no research at all into this other that watching it happen. But I doubt it was ENSOC (they’re cool), I believe it was either Demon Energy Drink or THE ROCK FM ™.

I decided to have a look into this, so after a bit of internet detectivery I have discovered that Demon Energy Drink that sponsored the event have pulled all references of the Undie off their website. (NERDS ONLY: It’s still there in the Google cache though, go wild). Could it be that Demon whose tagline is “Live with no regrets. No Limits – No Laws!!!” is trying to distance themselves from the people that are seemingly doing just that? My prognosis – Student culture has been co-opted by a corporate entity and sold back to the youth, but when the going gets tough (i.e. negative publicity through riots may negatively effect the Demon brand) Demon is a bunch of “rational businessmen” and tries to erase all possible links between the two. Third question for the reader:

Q. Is it okay for a company to mimic aspects of youth culture in an effort to sell more units to that youth culture?

This is not the first time Demon have tried to ‘be cool’ to sell more units to ‘the kids’. Demon Energy Drink Limited also owns Illicit Cola that have been piggy backing off the Illicit Clothing Brand. By stealing their name and artistic style to give their cola the alternative edge through hijacking what the clothing brand has build up over 12 years, in this case a strong underground/alternative/cool image. You can look this shit up on the internet if you want, that was just as summary of the lame-ness of Demon. In closing Demon Energy = phony marketing guys trying to make a quick buck by copying what is cool at the time. Don’t fall for it they aren’t the real deal ™. In the same way Illicit (the drink) has hijacked Illicit (the clothing), Demon has tried to latch onto the Undie, Demon Energy is like your when your little sister claimed to absolutely love punk music especially true punks like Good Charlotte and SUM 41.

BONUS: For a laugh read the side of a Demon or Illicit cola can, some of the worst marketing copy (copy is what advertisers call the word bits of an advertisement/packaging) ever. Except for maybe Ink or Relentless, that’s pretty bad too.

As for the THE ROCK FM ™ they are just happy to put THE ROCK FM ™ bumper stickers on your van as to increase the exposure of their brand. For fun check out the non-riot pictures of the Undie on news websites, chances are there is a THE ROCK FM ™ logo somewhere. the THE ROCK FM ™ website also does not have any mention of the Undie on their website, however a couple of years back they did run a similar event named ‘THE UNDIE 500’ in Auckland where listeners of the radio station ran around in their underwear touching each other or something equally homosexual. No mention of that is on their website either. Is it acceptable for a corporate entity to take the name ‘Undie 500’ and use it for their own purposes, who owns the name ‘Undie 500’ is it you (the student)?

Q. Is it acceptable for corporate interests to censor a cultural event in exchange for sponsoring it, if without sponsorship that event would probably not take place?

By the time this goes to print you have probably seen the Undie on the news countless times, and a lot of talk in the media about banning this or students-at-fault that or what ever. At the end of it, do you care? Adults create the world children live in. Juvenile delinquency is always rooted in adult delinquency. Ain’t no politician gonna tell me how I’m going to live my life!!! (But a marketer might).

note: hobo peterson is the random from the internet. you too could be hobo peterson if you want



motivation
September 14, 2009, 9:47 pm
Filed under: drugs | Tags: ,

ophalm

it’s been so quiet here. man I just can’t be fucked doing this when there are so many other things.

yeah that cock dangercore has been rodding it up but lets be honest, it’s a bit filler isn’t it?

anyway, in last weeks critic they had an article about nanny states
and again there is mention this week

see this is a bit of a weak dual critic cavern

alcohol is all it’s about these days.
we have an article about it. harms, pros, cons, everything
then we have a story celebrating the phenomenomly obscence drinking habits of that dude who was dared or something. he finished it early and so he got back on it the next day. is this getting drunk even after drinking a whole keg nothing but a sign of alcohol tolerance and probably dependence? given just how addictive alcohol actually is, this is not really surprising except to the most naive

and it’s not like critic is necessarily saying it’s ok, but simply by making a note of it sort of condones the activity, in a sense. I mean, since when is binging on drugs something news worthy? people do that shit on meth and opiates every week! maybe we should talk about harry the first year who fell into the wrong crowd, spent his course costs on 10 or so grams of methampetamine and is keeping himself up and fucking active for an entire week! and afterwards, instead of resting, he just wanted more meth! it’s a time for celebration certainly

I guess at least if he was on meth he was probably productive. I wonder if that guy that drank that keg got much done that week?
so alcohol huh. nanny states right.. mobius strip is either getting better or it’s just inconsistent.. and yeah.. womans month. I found the article in the middle a bit stereotype enforcing or maybe I just don’t get witty satire :~