otago massacre


thursday wordshit #3 by criticalwat
March 19, 2010, 2:11 am
Filed under: meta, nonsensical

Campus Shop

I really like V and pepsi!  Please keep up the good work at providing everyone with V and Pepsi!! Also I appericate the joy you bring to the process of buying a nice bottle of Pepsi followed up by a $4 sandwhich or a $7 microwavable burger.

Critic

it is very good. keep up the good work guys 🙂 I look forward to reading more informative articles in the future on what people are doing in the halls and student politics! also I think you should cover topics about how sometimes freshers drink too much and do more reviews so we can find out what more students think about things!

I also find the suggestion that people would read critic instead of listening in lectures very funny and bears repeating every issue! If I see someone reading critic in class instead of taking notes I will inform them of that.

Another thing I like alot is how you take comics from the internet like XKCD and viruscomix and put them in your print magazine! I like that a lot since I don’t always have printer paper at home and you almost always manage to find the comics that reflect my tastes as a student. 

My personal favourite however is how the student interview column “Bunch Of Fives” takes up a whole page filled with what my fellow student accosted around the link (I sit there!) think!



THE INTERNET IS GOLDEN PART M by dangercore
July 26, 2009, 11:21 pm
Filed under: nonsensical

dangercore

golden1
THIS IS HOW I FEEL WHEN I TALK ON THE INTERNETE WITH YOU

golden2
ONCE A LITTLE GIRL DIDN’T KNOW WHAT A SERVER WAS SO THIS WAS INTRODUCED TO MAKE LIFE MAKE SENSE AND GIVE THE GIRL A GOOD CHANCE TO BE EDUCATED ABOUT A CORNERSTONE OF LIFE

golden3
THEY BETTER LEARN IT SOON

golden4
THESE ARE STEREOTYPICAL CHRISTIANS

golden5
THIS PERSON IS RIDICULOUS HE’S LIKE TO KILL HIMSELF BUT SHALL WE CARE?

golden6
CUTE OR OFFENSIVE? MAYBE BOTH ATST

golden7
IF YOU’VE EVER WONDERED WHAT I DO AT NIGHT TIME ID LIKE YOU TO LOOK CAREFULLY AND REALISE THAT THIS IS IT



rip BILLY MAYS by criticalwat
June 30, 2009, 7:31 pm
Filed under: horrible, nonsensical

R.I.P.



things to hate by ophalm
June 7, 2009, 9:04 pm
Filed under: nonsensical, rant | Tags: ,

posted by ophalm

I saw a video today in the foyer to the doctors. it was about a child, who was learning to use toilet, had those pull up nappies (the video was sponsored by them) and the child told us how he had a stand and a seat thing, an alphabet on the wall to entertain him and then spoke of a glorious idea; see not only did he have these first world treats but he also got a sticker every time he managed to use the toilet itself (and presumably not his pants) for toilet time

if only I could get such a reward. see, about 5 minutes ago I was actually on the toilet taking a rather average shit. I also took the latest dscene in there with me. normally I only have dscene because I’m out doing my errands and I see it, but this one was delivered straight into my mail box.

there’s a ridiculous column about “student life” with morgan tait. god it is terrible. I think it’s only her second entry but damn she’s already out of material and is scraping her p pipe with a paper clip but the sad truth is, is that she scraped it clean last week. she’s created a “list” of things that annoy everyone (her) during these precious study hours. she doesn’t like tights, as they are a fashion travesty. why she cares I don’t know, and she doesn’t like vibrate on cell phones. (to be honest I understand why she cares about other people’s fashions, but not why she cares enough to suggest people actually change the way they dress just to suit her – fuck her)

anyway like I said this list was terrible. most lists are. most people when they sit down at their stupid computers to write their stupid lists have no fucking clue what they’re going to write, then write the first thing that comes to their unoriginal little mind, and then post it, sit back, chap their lips and think “damn, this is good”. do they ever ask “has anyone considered this before” or “did that guy really use a condom last night?” and the answer is no they don’t think about a god damn thing they just write and post.

arguably I do the same thing. I’m completely aware that I write without thinking and I know that I never wear condoms when having sex with other dudes. I can’t feel anything otherwise

and I have a different set of things to hate. not just things that I hate but things the world over can join me in hating. well the rich western world only, sudanese refugees wish they could eat, let alone have enough excess resources to blander on about irrelevant junk

so the list.

things to hate

the word “blander”
I made it up just before. it sounds fucking stupid. the context I used it in gave it the definition of something like “rubbish”, it reads like it’s an improper form of “more bland” but truth be told, it’s a word that means “characterized by a moderate, unperturbed, or tranquil quality”… unperturbed, or tranquil quality… evidentially I just had a blander shit!

extreme anything
I know this isn’t particularly original, it’s just that I saw these extreme bandages sitting on my desk and what the fuck

CCF03062009_00000

where are the extreme tampons?

the other day I was doing some rock climbing myself and just when I thought I wasn’t going to fall I fell and “OH GOD PLEASE MY ARM IS BROKEN AND MY LEG IS ALSO BROKEN OH FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING GOOD PLEASE GIVE ME SOMETHING TO STOP THIS EXTREME PAIN” and thankfully the ambo driver had a pack of extreme bandages so everything was all good since to chase the searing pain I had some mountain dew but what I really wanted was some morphine, not because I’m addicted to opiates but purely to do something about the pain and injury which the extreme bandage most likely isn’t doing

boy racers
I also hate girl racers. it’s the racer part I strongly despise; not the gender
and it’s not that I hate cars. I do hate cars (hypocritically since I drive in one from time to time), but what it’s worse than cars are people that care about so much about cars that they lose all grasp of general common sense, don massive baggy pants, impregnate their girlfriends with fetal alcohol prone babies and spend all fucking day driving around the bottom of cargill street behind the meridian. I sometimes wonder if the old cash converters is actually a drug dealing outfit because it’s the only way it could possibly make any money, and it would at least give the racers a reason to be there. but they probably don’t deal drugs (not good drugs anyway) and so there is no reason for boy racers to be there. there is no real reason for them to exist apart from the fact that our society is fucked to the point where they can exist, and even get on the news

stuff.co.nz
sometimes I like to know ‘whats up’ so I go to stuff. they recently changed the way their website works and it’s not better or worse, it’s just as shit. it does expose just how deep that shit is however. I imagine it like taking an old dog turd, (which stuff used to be) but now they’ve gotten a trowel and scraped half of it away so not only can we see just how thick that shit was, but unleash that fresh dog shit scent that was locked away hidden in the treasure trove of dried turd
you used to have to scroll to the bottom to find out what the hopeless public spent all their time looking at but now that information is near the top on the right. if there is any story whatsoever that even sounds like it could involve boobies or sex or sexiness it’s at the top. even if the article is totally devoid of anything sexy. and that goes to show you the readership. and when it comes to stories, well they have the shittiest. a few times last year (or the year before) I posted a few times on the opinion section (related to the party pill fiasco) and while it achieved nothing, at least I could do it. you can still post opinions, but not on every article, just on the ones stuff decides you can.
and which articles are these? the ones with true controversy? the ones where public opinion could be handy to know? you can fuck off if you think those ideas because they open the opinion to the posts about “what are celebrities twittering about”.
I have a brilliant idea. stuff should open all stories to opinion, require a login, and allow more than one thread to be created for a story. turn it into a forum basically, but a news driven one. it would be a brilliant idea, and I’m probably giving away a million $$ idea by saying it, but it wouldn’t totally suck fat cock like their current “ruffle no feathers” attitude

as it turns out there might be a lot of things to hate. this might become a multi part episode of epic propungents



THE INTERNET IS GOLDEN PART L by dangercore
May 23, 2009, 6:00 pm
Filed under: cartoon, horrible, nonsensical | Tags:

posted by dangercore

kids_believe_anything

I GOT THIS FROM A STORY CALLED “KIDS BELIEVE EVERYTHING” BUT THIS IS TRUE – DON’T MASTURBATE OK

mastchurch

BUT THEN AGAIN, WE’VE GOT OFFICIAL PROOF THAT TO MAST IS THE KEY TO GLORY

pose

HE FOLLOWS THE INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY AND BECOMES INTERNET LEGEND IN FOUR SECONDS

sad

THIS IS THE SADDEST PHOTO ON THE INTERNET. I POSTED ONE ONCE WITH A DOG AND A DEAD MAN BUT THIS TOO IS ALSO SAD -LOOK AT THIS KID, HE’S JUST REALISED THAT HE IS CHUBBY

SaveThePlanetKillYourself-83a

EVEN IF YOU DIDN’T SAVE THE PLANET THIS WOULD PROBABLY BE THE MOST PRODUCTIVE THING YOU COULD DO WITH YOUR LIFE



The End! by criticalwat
May 3, 2009, 2:48 pm
Filed under: horrible, meta, nonsensical

posted by criticalwat

So between Y2K, Nukes,SARS, The Axis of Evil, Grey Goo, Bird Flu and The Recession (or the Failure Of Capitalism Leading To Glorious Revolution,depending on your political ideology) has the world ended yet?

No? Though apparently Swine Flu is going to finish us all off now which is all well and good because I’m getting sick of having to run to the hills every few months.



Political Correctness by rogueview
April 28, 2009, 6:00 pm
Filed under: nonsensical | Tags: ,

posted by rogueview

Now I know it’s not an original topic because everyone knows its crap but hey. I was watching the news a few weeks ago, you know the horrible practically scripted set of repetitive crap that shows just how Bilingual our society is by opening with “Ki Ora and good evening” and the rest of the show is in English unless the story specifically corresponds to Maori landmarks and such. Anyway I heard our minister for Maori affairs Dr Pita Sharples claiming that the fact that the Supercity the government wants to make Auckland into will not include Maori seats is an example of “institutionalized racism” was anyone else shaking their heads with disbelief at this point? Literally the only thing that those seats do is force NEW ZEALANDERS who are not maori to have them.

Now last I checked the other seats in the council would be available to anyone, of any ethnicity as elected by the public to represent the public. This is the Democratic system and we know it has flaws but still. The only thing racist about those seats is having them, but apparently to Dr Pita Sharples racism cannot apply to any other race other than Maori. He also had this as his reasoning for having the seats. “we have not been able to have a Maori on a council, they have not been elected.” The clue is in the wording mate, elected, by the people you are representing. If the population wants a Maori candidate wouldn’t they elect them? Having seats for a racial group is discriminatory to all other racial groups. Just for the record let it be known that I do actually respect Pita Sharples on most things, he is a clever man and very nearly got my vote at the elections and I think his presence in government could do good things for our nation.

Another thing that really gets me is that on all of our forms in New Zealand they all seem to say “NZ Pakeha”. Now I get the whole pakeha thing is the name that the Indigenous Maori people of New Zealand gave to the original European colonists. But the problem with that is, I am not a European colonist, I am a New Zealander and I am damn proud of it. On those forms I refuse to tick NZ Pakeha because I am not. I am a New Zealander irrespective of what race my parents were or their parents and so forth so in the slot for OTHER I write in New Zealander. To then have the news (aforementioned rubbish that we must occasionally endure (why – ophalm?)) proclaiming that “Maori would like to be called New Zealanders” I thought that’s great, we can be a nation of one race but no they also wanted to be getting the other special privileges such as the university grants and the tribal payouts etc. That’s not equality. I just cant understand why people put up with it. Not that i am not sympathetic to the Maori rational as they were somewhat ripped off by the British colonizers with their land taken, I do believe that they should receive some compensation of sorts but at the same time, money that I as a taxpayer am paying to the government should not be being used to pay for an old dispute. Maori people were ostracised and outcast for a few generations and the language all but destroyed, there is nothing we can do to repair that, money sure doesn’t do it. We are however rebuilding that language, a friend of mine in Teachers College is having to learn Maori in order to be a Teacher, thats more of a step than payouts ever will be.

As a final comment towards the racial issues of political correctness, has anyone noticed those new Maori entities? The “Maori” drivers license, the “Maori” police and as one of my flatmates saw at the warehouse the other day, “Maori” girl guides. Good grief is there no point where people just think, wait a minute this is a bit over the top. The new decision by the New Zealand Geographical board to rename Wanganui Whanganui was ridiculous. Yes it was its name to Maori people but its been called Wanganui for the past 150 years why should it change now. Even our dear Otago is derived from the colonists mishearing Otakou. Are we going to have to change that too? And then what about Christchurch? Because that cannot be its traditional Maori name? The only logical reasonIi can think of for changing Wanganui is that it is a Maori name that is spelt incorrectly, so what. A name is a name, the worst thing is its purely appearance! It’s a silent freaking H. As you can tell I am very frustrated with the politically correct views that keep people from commenting on this kind of thing. Just because an issue is a racial thing doesn’t mean that we should just hush up and say nothing. That’s insane!