otago massacre

you’re probably a computer failure by mrobotham


I’m here to set you straight on a few things. see, I’m somewhat of a legend when it comes to computers and so when I see 99% of students using their computers I get personally offended by just how terribly people use them. it’s not entirely their faults, modern operating systems do far more than most people need and therefore make it far easier to fuck up than it should be. I keep my operating system running like a finely tuned ferrari whilst others retain a tractor like quality.

what your computer deserves

it’s far too hard to try to explain how people should really use their computers because if you’re not into them there is simply far too much to get your head around as to why you would even need to do some things. that and people are terrified of change (losers in other words). so I’ve got some handy tips which might make your life a bit better

use dropbox.. why? it’s 2gb of free online storage which is cool in of itself, but it also has a program that automatically syncs it with a folder on your computer.. what does this mean? you have a folder on your computer called “MyDropBox” and anything you put in there is automatically uploaded to the internet. this is where all you morons should save all your important files like essays and shit so that when your computer dies it’s all still available on the internet. backups without thinking. it also retains old versions in case you fuck up.. what makes this program extra special though is that if you install it on two (or more) computers and use the same account, it links them. save a file on one computer, it uploads to the internet and then automatically downloads to the other computer, keeping it all in sync. it’s perfect for retards such as yourselves

and also before when I said handy “tips” I meant “tip”

fuck you

critic cavern by ophalm
September 21, 2009, 1:36 pm
Filed under: dunedin, horrible, philosophy, rant, student life, uni | Tags: , , , , , , , ,


apparently there was this big rally and people drove down from christchurch and there were riots. in fact it seems that this issue of critic is composed entirely of articles about it. well, there was some other shit but yeah..


Continue reading

tights. are they pants? by ophalm
August 6, 2009, 5:40 pm
Filed under: philosophy | Tags: , , , , , , ,



just what the fuck are these things?

generations come and go but one thing stays the same – certain people are fuckwits. we can’t be certain if the tights=pants crew falls directly into this category, and that is why we’re asking a fundamental question

see the problem is that some people evidently think that tights suffice as pants, and that others – who have to observe such things – consider this thought incomprehensible and possibly offensive. and such matters are escalated to significant importance when the tights end up exposing the underwear for everyone to see and judge! what horrors

so do tights suffice as pants? they certainly seem to as far as the most fundamental aspects of pants are considered, but in reality, the theory practice gaps shows us that they fall short of the glorious goal.

and part of me even wonders if this is done on purpose?


not quite as sexy as they think it is, more whoreish really

do you remember the whale tail invasion of the earlier decade? initially it seems that exposure of underwear to the masses is somewhat unwanted, embarrasing and so on. but it was taken to it’s sexy limit and this indecent flaunting of “panties” became a flirtatious pastime and was (barely) socially accepted. and so what I wonder, if the panties-through-the-tights phenomenon is actually the reincarnation of the undergarment brandishing of old?

and either way I don’t want to make a judgement call. I’m unwillingly somewhat of a pervert, and any chance to spot a girls knickers is a moment I will cherish forever. and so the debate continues…


the collapse of society?

are tights pants?

are cats ethical? by ophalm
August 2, 2009, 1:17 pm
Filed under: philosophy | Tags:


sometimes I wonder, if the existence of cats is ethical. should cats exist?

a better way to talk by ophalm
July 18, 2009, 6:00 am
Filed under: guide, philosophy | Tags:


certain times call for certain measures.

drastic times call for drastic measures.

and that is why today I am going to make you a better person.
I’m going to aid you all. maybe you’ve heard of this little thing called latin?
it’s old. substaintially. and most of us use it daily without realising. “etc”, “vs”, “am/pm”.. it’s very interesting I know. sometimes we even use terms like per se to give statements like “a dogs anus isn’t dirty per se

and so it’s obvious to conclude that our life would be quite enriched if we slipped latin phrases into everyday language. There’s a rather large repository in the wikipedia but being the kind gentle one that I am, I’ve gone and found the most useful to real life


ab irato – from an angry man
“when I was leaving the supermarket carpark just before I got told to turn my lights on ab irato

absolutum dominium – absolute dominion
“I just made a pizza that holds absolutum dominium

ad abundantiam – to abundance
“tonight we will drink ad abundantiam

cadavera vero innumera – truly countless bodies
“tonight I am getting on the piss and am going to try to hook up with cadavera vero innumera

carpe noctem – seize the night
“alright boys lets go candy flipping and carpe noctem

celerius quam asparagi cocuntur – more swiftly than asparagus is cooked
“as it turns out my dear it appears my performance was not up to scratch this evening – I came celerius quam asparagi cocuntur

cepi corpus – I got the body
“bitches – cepi corpus

consummatum est – it is completed
“uh uh unggggg consummatum est

ex mea sententia – in my opinion
“your pants are ludicrous ex mea sententia

graviora manent – heavier things remain
“I went to the toilet, but graviora manent

iustitia omnibus – justice for all
“I think we should put on …and iustitia omnibus

manu propria – with one’s on hand
“I think I might go to the bedroom, spend some time with manu propria

noli me tangere – do not touch me
“I would hug you, or even shake your hand, but please noli me tangere

obit anus, abit onus – the old woman dies, the burden lifted
“at first I felt guilty about eating this hamburger, but obit anus, abit onus

wow… so much culture. days like today are good days no? especially when confronted with such life affirming information. I only hope at the very least you use this shit daily and probably get into a career of speech modification. you’re all very welcome coma staba

Blondes have more Fun by loisweathers
May 28, 2009, 3:43 pm
Filed under: philosophy | Tags: , , , ,

poasted by lois weathers

So recently I have dyed my hair blonde. I would like to say I did so as an experiment that I could then base this amazing article on, but unfortunatly the main reason for the drastic dye was severe peer pressure from a friend of mine; thanks Van. And im going to share with you the exciting new things that happened to me as a blonde.


from this

First I would like you all to know I wasnt kinda blonde and just went a wee bit lighter, I had dark brown hair and its now like a white blonde. I just want to advise children not to do this at home, it burns like something really sore and ouchy and *@$#%^ mainly just pay the money and get a professional. But for those of you who are cheap and keen for a fun exciting bonding experiance with your bestest friend then might I suggest “myhd”, they sell it at that new life pharmacy in the new mall and you can use it several times to get rid of that nasty re-growth. Be sure to get a toner as well to make it actually blonde because the peroxide just turnes it white. Talk to the lady she’s very helpful.

to this

to this

But the question you brunetts are all asking me is “Is life truely greener on the other side”. And in my honest opinion, after the burny and the ouchy. . . ITS FUCKING AMAZING! DO IT DO IT NOW. Being blonde is amazing, people look at you like your automatically hot and good in bed. One week after I went blonde I was getting some (and not candy) from this really good looking guy that I had been working on (as a brunett) for quiet some time. No, actually not one week, NO OMG now that I remember, it was actually first time he saw me with blonde hair. Thats how well it worked!!


from this

People notice you when you walk down the street and to be honest Im pretty sure they’re all undressing me with their eyes. The other day a good looking guy bought me a drink and asked me to dance at this gig we were at. This shit never happened to me when I was a brunett!!! At the present I am testing if it is my personal reaction to myself as a blonde that is making me seem more attractive to the opposite sex (I feel better about myself so others are attracted to that), or if it is in fact just the blonde. I’ll keep you updated. And boys who read this could you post if blonde hair is really attractive or if it her “personality”.


to this

The main issue with the blonde is that im killing my hair follicles and am constantly paranoid my hair is going to fall out, and I know I wont be able to keep it up forever and will soon have to go back to the dull dull life of a brunett. But if you are brown or black haired and reading this.. Be happy with who you are, your beautiful no matter what I say and my words wont bring you down 😀


freedom and darknets by ophalm
May 5, 2009, 9:03 pm
Filed under: philosophy, politics | Tags: , , ,

posted by ophalm

I’m a bit keen on freedom and liberty. not surprisingly privacy is also strongly linked in with those concepts. some people think that “if you aren’t doing anything wrong, you have nothing to hide”.. those are the kind of people who are all for the cctv cameras in the octagon. it might reduce crime, but so would other methods that didn’t require making records of normal people doing normal things.

recently I read this article from here and here is some of it

The most common retort against privacy advocates — by those in favor of ID checks, cameras, databases, data mining and other wholesale surveillance measures — is this line: “If you aren’t doing anything wrong, what do you have to hide?”

Some clever answers: “If I’m not doing anything wrong, then you have no cause to watch me.” “Because the government gets to define what’s wrong, and they keep changing the definition.” “Because you might do something wrong with my information.” My problem with quips like these — as right as they are — is that they accept the premise that privacy is about hiding a wrong. It’s not. Privacy is an inherent human right, and a requirement for maintaining the human condition with dignity and respect.

Two proverbs say it best: Quis custodiet custodes ipsos? (“Who watches the watchers?”) and “Absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

Cardinal Richelieu understood the value of surveillance when he famously said, “If one would give me six lines written by the hand of the most honest man, I would find something in them to have him hanged.” Watch someone long enough, and you’ll find something to arrest — or just blackmail — with. Privacy is important because without it, surveillance information will be abused: to peep, to sell to marketers and to spy on political enemies — whoever they happen to be at the time.

Privacy protects us from abuses by those in power, even if we’re doing nothing wrong at the time of surveillance.
We do nothing wrong when we make love or go to the bathroom. We are not deliberately hiding anything when we seek out private places for reflection or conversation. We keep private journals, sing in the privacy of the shower, and write letters to secret lovers and then burn them. Privacy is a basic human need.

A future in which privacy would face constant assault was so alien to the framers of the Constitution that it never occurred to them to call out privacy as an explicit right. Privacy was inherent to the nobility of their being and their cause. Of course being watched in your own home was unreasonable. Watching at all was an act so unseemly as to be inconceivable among gentlemen in their day. You watched convicted criminals, not free citizens. You ruled your own home. It’s intrinsic to the concept of liberty.

For if we are observed in all matters, we are constantly under threat of correction, judgment, criticism, even plagiarism of our own uniqueness. We become children, fettered under watchful eyes, constantly fearful that — either now or in the uncertain future — patterns we leave behind will be brought back to implicate us, by whatever authority has now become focused upon our once-private and innocent acts. We lose our individuality, because everything we do is observable and recordable.

is this something we need to think about? surely as we grow up we need to be aware of these things, because when people don’t protest governmental decisions to do away with rights, freedom and privacy; those rights are lost.

and as part of this I’m thinking of what it would also be like for otago university to have a dark net running. something where students could anonymously log onto a darknet and share information, talk to one another, not scared of any kind of authority.. maybe I’m a bit paranoid.. I don’t think I am but it’s something that should be considered?

printers is the worst subject by ophalm
April 4, 2009, 6:00 am
Filed under: nonsensical, philosophy | Tags: ,

posted by ophalm

well do I have a few things to say about printers? yes I do. I was unwantingly lamenting to some student colleagues my many opinion on printers

see to start the story, to give a bit of background, I was sitting in the esteemed hunter centre “studying” for an assessment when I saw a “pixar 390” or I have no idea what it was called printer from “student it” for $39. student it is another target for derision but that can probably wait. so this printer. I pointed it out and student colleague says “I’ve got one of those printers and it’s shit” and pulls out a terribly printed piece of paper. we laughed – it was a good day.

so I realised after this, after a few stories to the boys about printers, that I wasn’t just a printer expert but that I was the mother fucking ghandi of printers

my first printer for my amiga was a 9pin dot matrix. I can’t remember the brand but I recall at some stage getting a colour adapter for it. I could replace the cartridge (which had a long ribbon with ink on it within) with a colour cartridge which had a ribbon but the ribbon was CYMK. wow those were the days. I had this piece of software which could make my printer print really fine but it took literally about 15 minutes per page. I am not making that up.

and then I have experience with a brother laser printer at my old job. oh man that was a workhorse. it was a black and white laser and I printed maybe 20-50 sheets a day for 5 years. it occasionally needed a new toner cartridge and they weren’t cheap, but on a per sheet basis they were amazing. it had this meter you could bring up on the computer and it would tell you how much toner was left and how used the laser drum was. the laser drum started at 100% and when it went down to 0% it needed replacing. last time I looked it was at -300%, 4 times it’s designed use rate.

and to introduce the next candidate before the old one is done with, the printer we replaced the B&W laser with was a colour laser. now this was not an awesome printer. well, it wasn’t bad, but the toner was expensive and what pissed me off, and what was awesome about the brother B&W was that on this printer when it was getting low on ink it would tell you. and once it had run out you needed to buy more. now this is not really odd or bad, but in this case the ink hadn’t actually run out, it just told me it had according to it’s printing stats. same with the drum actually. so often I had to throw out a toner cartridge with perfectly good toner in it because the printer was convinced it was empty. the old printer told me ink was low but let me print forever. I’d take the cartridge out and shake it and bang the next 5 sheets were good as new.
it pissed me off so much that you could buy a product but couldn’t use it like you wanted.

and I’ve had two home printers worth mentioning only they’re not. they were both cheap ink jets – like the cheap one that started this intelligent discussion – and I don’t know why I didn’t realise that the reason they are so cheap is because you spend so much money on ink. at least I’m not buying brand ink but the printing sucks and they don’t work well and install shit on your computer blah blah


it’s much more expensive to buy a laser printer but in the long run they are so much better than an ink jet style one. but ink jets are much cheaper and if you only print occasionally it’s probably a better choice

real conclusion

printers are a boring AS FUCK topic so please get on with your life I hope you didn’t read any of this

The Environment, we’re killing it/sex it would seem by loisweathers
April 3, 2009, 7:00 am
Filed under: philosophy | Tags: , ,

poasted by lois weathers

So there seems to be a big issue lately about how we’re killing the world around us and how its not too good for our future and our kids future. Personally I have no kids so it doesn’t worry me too much, but I know some people with some kids and on interviewing one he said “I’d rather my child didn’t grow up in the future”. Big words for big opinions.


It seems to me we do a lot of things to try and help our environment out, but no-one seems to really care that much. As ophalm said in his piece Earth Hourailure we failed to put our lights out for a measly hour. This is truly sad, but even if we did manage to turn our lights out for that hour, what difference would it make? They would’ve been straight back on again the next night. And really do lights use that much power. In fact I’ll research it now…..
Boy did I find out some interesting shit just then, so get this; top result was “3.5% drop in power over Earth hour” I decided to research further and read this article from the ODT, I found it hilarious that to celebrate Earth Hour there were concerts held in Christchurch. Now is it just me or do concerts require a lot of electricity (aka power) to play the music? This kind of counteracts the turning off your power thing… See how smart we are!! But the second website was one about how much of our power is used on heat pumps and other heating devices . I think next year we should try turning off our lights and heaters/heat pumps and on top of that, maybe not hold any energy consuming concerts.

Now I’m going to share something personal with you all. I am doing a teaching degree and in that I learn what we are going to teach kids. They have this new thing right, you wouldn’t know about it. Its called ‘inquiry’ where they teach kids new and important things, they focus on one topic a term. And one of their topics is ‘Sustainability’.
They learn how to sustain our environment and what they can use instead of fossil fuels etc. Its almost as if we’re saying “Hey kids we fucked up so we’re relying on you to fix it, we know you’re only about 8, but any idea is a good idea, we’ve fucked it up so bad”
This is worrying as I’ve heard some of the kid’s ideas and they don’t seem to make too much sense. For example a boy I was talking to the other day told me that he could make a potato light….. I see where he’s coming from here and its a valid idea, but I don’t think we will ever have enough potatoes to power a city. And even if we did it wouldn’t be that bright, people would have eyesight problems due to the poor lighting, old people would die with their respirators failing, an entire generation of gen X-Box children would be dropped into reality cold turkey and it’s be more like what civilisation was like 100s of years ago *shudders*. Its a shame really as potatoes are an amazing vegetable, they really make a meal, a meal.


So what I’m trying to tell you is that I know it might be hard to care about your environment and at some times you might just want to throw some rubbish out the window, but unless you want to live in a city that smells like potatoes and is poorly lit then lets try and calm down on the overusage of our power. Oh by the way nothing in this page has anything to do with sex I just noticed that my last article mentioned sex and got more hits. Sorry I fooled you. LOL