otago massacre


critic cavern 30/07/09 by ophalm
July 30, 2009, 10:38 pm
Filed under: horrible, student life | Tags: , , , ,

ophalm

well jizz in my eye it’s another week of critic mayhem. sorry I’m a bit late, unlike most of the internet I have a life, with things to achieve and people to look after, and unlike some people I put my internet responsibilities down the list. don’t want to end up 40 and divorced because I left my partner for my WoW team mate do I?

crticcover
this cover is te meke! you should all learn maori I think. I had one entire lecture on pronunciation and another lecture by a really fat maori guy about how it’s our duty as health professionals to make sure maori are healthier. the irony is something I love but as far as racism goes I’m not really racist I was just stating what happened

another week another tragedy of print. the brazilian wax job has moved from the last page to the front. something about the ad just hints (reeks) of tactless porn. “free brazilian” just is not appealing unless you’re a penny pinching slut sorry. maybe get rid of the girl and make the ad less blatant. at least it’s a welcome distraction from the editorial.

why is juicy colourless? why is it not called juicy? why do they make references to old magazines that have already been used as cat litter? these are all good questions but critic don’t give a fuck.

this weatherston case. apparently a lot of people care about this, or at least have some sort of morbid interest. probably because it has something to do with the university. personally, I just don’t care. I mean, I care in general that murderers go to jail, but I just have nothing to say or to add. if someone wants to write up some opinionated diatribe about it they are more than welcome but I’m not touching that shit unless I get either a) good money or b) there is some obvious joke to be made

so our (least) favorite mayor peter chin has fucked us over once again. I’ve never taken the bus and in my home town of christchurch many years ago I made an uninformed decision to never ever use public transportation. this is not at all relevant to the fact that the dcc fucked out the bus system and now you carless hobos have even less ability to get anywhere

and so not only is it maori week but also jesus week
I used to be a christian. >10 years to be vague. I also didn’t just backslide out of the fold but made a lot of discovers and learnt a lot of lessons over a long period of time. the majority of people who write or comment about christianity in a negative light don’t know shit to be honest. smart christians (while rare) are in general smarter and have thought more about their faith than you give them credit. the guy who wrote this sits firmly in the smarter group of christians. you can tell this by the fact that he doesn’t actually mention anything of any value. he basically says “yeah some christians are hypocrites but” and so you go away thinking “hmm maybe he’s different” but years of intellectual assault from university smart people means he has had to find a way to start conversations without causing uncontrollable eye rolling.
but just like intelligent design, the deeper you dig the shallower the theory.
“after 2000 years people are still talking about jesus” and after 1500 years people are still talking about muhammed and >3000 years people are talking about abraham and >3000 years people have been using ayurvedic and I don’t get the point. religion was evolutionarily succesful because it explained a lot when there was no other explanation. christianity and abrahamic religions in general were revolutionary. their success is not surprising. but also not surprising either is the amount of contradictions, inconsistencies or lack of evidence.

smack1

so it’s come to common knowledge that smacking is the key to raising the next weatherston (so what if I went back on my word)
to be completely honest I had forgotten this whole smacking thing actually went through in the first place. that sounds ultra retarded but when I think about it I realise that apart from the bitching and moaning that happened in the first place, nothing bad has happened. I was all into smacking because I was smacked as a child and also due to my christianity I was into smacking (it’s in the bible, read it for yourself).. not once did I really consider evidence in my crazy pro smacking rants I had with peers but now today is a different day and evidence is something I feel strongly about.
not enough of that article is about the psychological effects of smacking. I feel (and this has no basis whatsoever) that the simple nation wide discussion of the topic has made people a lot more aware. I don’t know if smacking should be illegal but I’m not much of a black and white kind of guy, and smacking does have a legitimate place. not as a form of correction so much but I’d rather smack my child and prevent him running onto the road than have him run onto the road. but as far as I understand the current anti-smacking law as it stands allows for that. so what’s the problem?
the problem is that people want it to be their right to smack children as much as they want without any potential repercussions.
the other thing I find interesting about this mass debate is the whole smacking=hitting thing. anti smackers say “hitting a child isn’t bad” but pro smackers say “smacking is a valid form of discipline” and I know different words don’t change anything but if I smack my partner on the ass during sex would they say I hit my partner? that is the question people don’t avoid it

man this is getting depressing isn’t it. all this serious bullshit has to end. but critic has nothing more to offer. well technically in some “information theory” way it does but as far as stuff you and me want to read – nothing. what are we gonna do? nothing. why has this become such a negative episode? blame amy



THE INTERNET IS GOLDEN PART M by dangercore
July 26, 2009, 11:21 pm
Filed under: nonsensical

dangercore

golden1
THIS IS HOW I FEEL WHEN I TALK ON THE INTERNETE WITH YOU

golden2
ONCE A LITTLE GIRL DIDN’T KNOW WHAT A SERVER WAS SO THIS WAS INTRODUCED TO MAKE LIFE MAKE SENSE AND GIVE THE GIRL A GOOD CHANCE TO BE EDUCATED ABOUT A CORNERSTONE OF LIFE

golden3
THEY BETTER LEARN IT SOON

golden4
THESE ARE STEREOTYPICAL CHRISTIANS

golden5
THIS PERSON IS RIDICULOUS HE’S LIKE TO KILL HIMSELF BUT SHALL WE CARE?

golden6
CUTE OR OFFENSIVE? MAYBE BOTH ATST

golden7
IF YOU’VE EVER WONDERED WHAT I DO AT NIGHT TIME ID LIKE YOU TO LOOK CAREFULLY AND REALISE THAT THIS IS IT



txts, rants, politics, teenagers and you by loisweathers
July 26, 2009, 8:23 pm
Filed under: guide, horrible | Tags:

lois weathers

So I know the stereotype is that women send out mixed messages and we’re all emotional and insane, and I’m not saying we’re not but lately it seems to me that the male gender are turning into females. They put messages all out there, half the time these messages dont make any sense because they dont know how to send them out properly and they leave girls confused and upset. Then they just dont understand when we are all pissed off at them.
I’m here to explain why we are pissed off at you and what you can do to fix it.

I think a big factor in this mixed messages dilemma is “txt politics”. Now am I mistaken in thinking only girls take part in txt politics and boys just say whatever??.. Because if so I don’t believe you. So Im just going to inform you of a few basic txt rules… Never say “K” we think you’re pissed of at us and get really defensive and will more often than not reply with “whtever” Its not too much to ask for, just txt “Ok” or “K :)”. “K” on its own is asking for a fight. Another big one is overall friendlyness of the txt, be sure to put a smiley or an xo in it somewhere or again we will think you’re pissed off at us and get defensive. Now if you dont know if your txt is friendly enough just add in an over happy smiley face to be sure, you can never have a to happy txt. The most important txt rule is where you put your full stops and how many of them you put, a full stop in a txt will usually signify you want to stop talking to them and are cutting conversation, “K.” is the worst txt ever to recieve. Its like a slap in the face, if there is no need for a full stop dont put one in. Another thing for boys and girls is txting when you are drunk, two words for you there “NOT OKAY” there are no good outcomes from this, never, ever, do you get me? It just leads to an akward txt in the morning that will go something like “l0l soz gt s000 wastd lst nite, I thnk I snt u sumthn bt ma phne dusnt save snt msgs. l0l 😀 XxLoisxX” and Im telling you for a fact that whoever sent you that knows exactly what they sent you last night and has been re-writting that message for an hour with input from friends. And they will be next to their phone for the next 5 hours with friends around them until you reply so they can craft a perfect message back to you.

So if you’re ever confused as to why your girlfriend or friend is giving you the cold shoulder take a look in your outbox and you’ll soon find the answer, if you have fucked up and god forbid txted her saying “K.” you need to put infinate smileys and xo’s after every txt message, and then every now and then txt her something pointless like “Lol Jamal just tripd over, it was so funny :-D!! :S!” so that she doesnt have to reply and she feels like she has the upper hand. LOL



critic cavern 23/07/09 by ophalm

ophalm

well what the shit we have another critic. I’m pretty stoked personally to have found out that the deliver critic as far as the big medical school building. this way I can get my dose of critic a few minutes earlier

and what a dose
what’s happened to all the money? because when I read juicy I expect colours, not this old timey black and white casablanca bullshit that my parents had to put up with
juicy
when I looked at it, my first thought was “budget” and my next move was turning the page

on the facing page we find out that a surveying student dies, a real shame. was he drunk when he fell into the water? “it appears he became disoriented before falling into the harbour”. it certainly seems like he was, he had left a 21st. now I don’t think this guy is to blame, my beef is with the lack of mention of alcohol. imagine if there was any evidence that he was on any other drug, “p kills surveying student” or “survey shows surveyor died of cannabis!” it just pisses me off the double standards for alcohol vs recreational drugs. I don’t want to hate on alcohol, but it causes more issues than all other drugs combined; and when it appears fundamental to the death of a promising individual and it’s not even mentioned (knowing full well other drugs would be mentioned if they were involved instead) it just pisses me off. I think it’s a conspiracy theory run by the speights corporation to keep the nation enslaved and sorry I’m not open to any evidence to the contrary

yeast

I can't think of many cooler graffitis than the word yeast. microbiology, vaginal infections. I do love fungus and anyone who graffitis fungus related things is a-ok in my book


“shocking revelations” about the state of student housing. I feel the word “revelation” is a bit over the top, seriously no one was under any false impressions of the state of student housing in otago? even the “get over it” campaign knows this, and when advertising campaigns are aware of things, only retard rockers don’t. anyway it’s an interesting article, I can’t tell if they are trying to blame students or landlords. they are just saying that shit sucks really. the students lap it up though. first years get a chance to have decent first hand experience of castle street before vying for the flats next year, it’s not like they are conned into shit. they made their bed and now they’re sleeping in it what is the problem?

you know there are a lot of words in this critic. not enough pictures and not enough colours and too many words

just look:
* why should ousa not rush into supporting the stadium?
* laffin’ it up in dunedin
* making a buck out of other people’s bad luck
* rioting with reason: forty years on from the stonewall riots
*a kiwi comic book hero

all in a row. I realise magazines are to provide content but geez. I read the start of three of them. that’s a pretty good effort for me
I have to say that I don’t get the article on comedians. is it mocking them or celebrating them? it’s kinda doing both – poorly. the one about war seems promising. it’s the kind of article I think other people should read, but wouldn’t read myself.. does that make me a hypocrite or simply a wise mentor?
stonewall riots is all about the gay agenda. god bless lsd for unleashing a generation from under the power of authority. but authority made awesome experiences illegal in order to steal back their reign of terror. thankfully it has never quite gotten back to where it was, but “brave new world” style distraction certainly has society tied down in a totally different way, maybe not as bad but certainly more subversive. I see it in other students, it makes me sad, that people don’t care much and that the media has sort of implied that fighting for things is pointless please just sit back and enjoy the ride. I could go on but I don’t think I know what I’m talking about
something about comic books. I don’t get comics. they are extremely unsatisfying and I kinda like the concept of x-men but reading a comic of it sucks. I have to walk past a comic book store every day to uni, and I hardly ever see anyone in there and it kind of makes me sad because I don’t like seeing businesses failing, but that is just a presumption and it is a shit time economically and I just wonder why people do things like that. I’ve seen some of the staff, and they look way too “trendy” and “cool” and certainly look like they think they’re cool enough for modaks but I don’t buy it and sorry comics don’t appeal. thats my opinion about that article

what is the point of bunch of fives? community? an attempt to provide realism? is it the magazine equivalent of reality tv?
bunchfives
it doesn’t make sense. it would be nice if they told us what the questions they asked were. who edits this magazine?

and the rest goes on and on and on. the most interesting thing in the second entire half of the magazine is the second half of the letters which are placed right at the end. there is a charming wee letter about the code of conduct. I don’t know fuck all about the code but this person is asking a ridiculous request, an infringement on other people’s lives and is the equivalent of going to church and the minister telling you that you had to go straight home after church and couldn’t hang around with other people.
CoC lover your name says it all



MOTHER GUTS by dangercore
July 22, 2009, 11:05 pm
Filed under: meta

dangercore

DAMN ITS BEEN CRAZY LAST WEEK

WALKING THROUGH CAMPUS I GOT ASSAULTED BY SOME BUFFED SALESDUDES GIVING OUT FREE CANS OF DRINK BUT LOW AND BEHOLD

SHITS NEVER FREE. YOU PAID FOR THAT DAMN DRINK ALREADY BY SPENDING COUNTLESS BUCKS ON COKE (COCK) AT EVERY CHANCE YOU GOT SO ITS NOT FREE ITS JUST A REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH AND EVERYONE LOVES A LITTLE BIT OF SOCIALISM

AND WHAT SUCKS IS THAT NOW I WANT TO BUY ONE. GOOD THING THE FUCKED CAMPUS SHOPS DONT SELL IT. NOT THAT I LIKE IT THAT THEY DONT BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE TEMPTED EITHER SO ITS A BIT OF A TRICKY SITUATION

ANYWAY JUST POPPIN IN TO SAY HI. I WAS GOING TO RELEASE A MOTHERFUCKING RODSTONE BLOG!! BUT NO MY CREATIVE POWERS HAVE ALREADY CAVED AND RODSTONE TOOK ALL MY GENIUS IN A FEW SHORT BUT EPEIC EPISODES. MAYBE I WILL REPOWER SLOWLY BUT UNTIL THEN NOTHING. I ACTUALLY MADE THE BLOG FOR RODSTONE CALLED THERODSTONE COZ SOME FUCKER TOOK RODSTONE ALREADY DAMN IT TO HELL



updates by ophalm
July 22, 2009, 10:16 am
Filed under: meta

as times change, things change with time. it’s some physics bullshit I think but the effects can be felt right here. as you can see there are wonderful new images at the top of every post so you know what fool wrote it
I also dropped the darknet plan. no-one was buying into my scam

and you can vote! for posts. unfortunately you need to go to the post in order to vote, apparently though wordpress are trying to make it so votes can be cast from the front page at some stage.

all in all this turd is as polished as it can get



trips away by loisweathers
July 21, 2009, 9:07 pm
Filed under: guide | Tags: , , , , , , ,

lois weathers

A lot of people went away in this mid semester break and I was one of them, And I’m going to share my awesome experiences with you so next semester break you may be able to break away from this hell hole. I’m going to start off by saying that it’s not cheap but smart students know this is what course related costs are for; however even with the $1000 the government gives out so willingly you still need to be prudish to have several trips away over the entire year. Or alternatively if you’re kind of a loser you can go with your parents who are so eager to see you they will probably pay for the entire trip and you won’t starve.

parents

a promising start to a holiday with your parents

Now the first thing to decide is where you going, this can be determined by a multitude of things. Often it comes down to if you or one of your friends knows someone who knows someone with a pad you can crash at because you’re too poor to pay for accommodation. Now if you don’t know anyone anywhere with a pad you can crash at the next cheapest option is to go bush and get a tent, this comes with the problem of freezing cold temperatures especially at this time of the year. I would not advise sleeping in your car unless you have a van of some sort as the cramped confined space will make you want to kill yourself and everyone around you.

tent

no tent site looks like this

If the tent or car isn’t an option you need to go to a backpackers. Now these can range in price and you’re going to want to hunt to find the cheapest. In my experience knowing someone was the best, they gave you a nice wee place with no time limit and all it cost was a box of chocolates. The backpackers was nice and I meet some great people but you knew how much it was costing you and that is a buzz kill. I never tried the tent so if you have feel free to comment on the pros/cons of that. Of course the best of all is going with your parents who will put you up in a motel with sky tv and your own en suite.

backpackers

there is a stereotypical backer image, and this embodies it more than anything in the universe

So once you’ve decided where you are headed you need to decide what you are going to do there. This is very important and should have come up when you were deciding where you were going but it didn’t because you were focused on accommodation. You need not worry what you are going to do if you’re on a trip with your parents because they have endless money and constantly want to shower you with goods. On my trip with my mum we went on the train trip across NZ. It was $120 return and there was little time to be drunk (however the lady in the seat next to us managed it). The trip in which I was given a wee house by someone we knew was in queenstown and there were plenty of things to do and because accommodation cost was not an issue we could spend more on activities. Alternatively bushwalks are a nice free way to spend the day and day picnics are just lovely.

The last issue everyone comes to is food, thats some expensive shit. I have 3 words for you, Up n Go. That shit is filling and you only need one in the morning and one at around 3oclock. Im not guna say you wont be hungry, you will and it’ll be difficult going back to solids after just having up n go for a week, but you wont die and thats all that really matters.
So please take some of my helpful words of wisdom on your next trip away, and please don’t brag about how mean and sick your trip was when you get back cos thats just kinda annoying and to be honest no one cares where you went they’re just glad they didn’t have to see your fucking face every day. LOL

up&go is unfortunately not this psychedelic

up&go is unfortunately not this psychedelic