posted by ophalm
I saw a video today in the foyer to the doctors. it was about a child, who was learning to use toilet, had those pull up nappies (the video was sponsored by them) and the child told us how he had a stand and a seat thing, an alphabet on the wall to entertain him and then spoke of a glorious idea; see not only did he have these first world treats but he also got a sticker every time he managed to use the toilet itself (and presumably not his pants) for toilet time
if only I could get such a reward. see, about 5 minutes ago I was actually on the toilet taking a rather average shit. I also took the latest dscene in there with me. normally I only have dscene because I’m out doing my errands and I see it, but this one was delivered straight into my mail box.
there’s a ridiculous column about “student life” with morgan tait. god it is terrible. I think it’s only her second entry but damn she’s already out of material and is scraping her p pipe with a paper clip but the sad truth is, is that she scraped it clean last week. she’s created a “list” of things that annoy everyone (her) during these precious study hours. she doesn’t like tights, as they are a fashion travesty. why she cares I don’t know, and she doesn’t like vibrate on cell phones. (to be honest I understand why she cares about other people’s fashions, but not why she cares enough to suggest people actually change the way they dress just to suit her – fuck her)
anyway like I said this list was terrible. most lists are. most people when they sit down at their stupid computers to write their stupid lists have no fucking clue what they’re going to write, then write the first thing that comes to their unoriginal little mind, and then post it, sit back, chap their lips and think “damn, this is good”. do they ever ask “has anyone considered this before” or “did that guy really use a condom last night?” and the answer is no they don’t think about a god damn thing they just write and post.
arguably I do the same thing. I’m completely aware that I write without thinking and I know that I never wear condoms when having sex with other dudes. I can’t feel anything otherwise
and I have a different set of things to hate. not just things that I hate but things the world over can join me in hating. well the rich western world only, sudanese refugees wish they could eat, let alone have enough excess resources to blander on about irrelevant junk
so the list.
things to hate
the word “blander”
I made it up just before. it sounds fucking stupid. the context I used it in gave it the definition of something like “rubbish”, it reads like it’s an improper form of “more bland” but truth be told, it’s a word that means “characterized by a moderate, unperturbed, or tranquil quality”… unperturbed, or tranquil quality… evidentially I just had a blander shit!
extreme anything
I know this isn’t particularly original, it’s just that I saw these extreme bandages sitting on my desk and what the fuck
where are the extreme tampons?
the other day I was doing some rock climbing myself and just when I thought I wasn’t going to fall I fell and “OH GOD PLEASE MY ARM IS BROKEN AND MY LEG IS ALSO BROKEN OH FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING GOOD PLEASE GIVE ME SOMETHING TO STOP THIS EXTREME PAIN” and thankfully the ambo driver had a pack of extreme bandages so everything was all good since to chase the searing pain I had some mountain dew but what I really wanted was some morphine, not because I’m addicted to opiates but purely to do something about the pain and injury which the extreme bandage most likely isn’t doing
boy racers
I also hate girl racers. it’s the racer part I strongly despise; not the gender
and it’s not that I hate cars. I do hate cars (hypocritically since I drive in one from time to time), but what it’s worse than cars are people that care about so much about cars that they lose all grasp of general common sense, don massive baggy pants, impregnate their girlfriends with fetal alcohol prone babies and spend all fucking day driving around the bottom of cargill street behind the meridian. I sometimes wonder if the old cash converters is actually a drug dealing outfit because it’s the only way it could possibly make any money, and it would at least give the racers a reason to be there. but they probably don’t deal drugs (not good drugs anyway) and so there is no reason for boy racers to be there. there is no real reason for them to exist apart from the fact that our society is fucked to the point where they can exist, and even get on the news
stuff.co.nz
sometimes I like to know ‘whats up’ so I go to stuff. they recently changed the way their website works and it’s not better or worse, it’s just as shit. it does expose just how deep that shit is however. I imagine it like taking an old dog turd, (which stuff used to be) but now they’ve gotten a trowel and scraped half of it away so not only can we see just how thick that shit was, but unleash that fresh dog shit scent that was locked away hidden in the treasure trove of dried turd
you used to have to scroll to the bottom to find out what the hopeless public spent all their time looking at but now that information is near the top on the right. if there is any story whatsoever that even sounds like it could involve boobies or sex or sexiness it’s at the top. even if the article is totally devoid of anything sexy. and that goes to show you the readership. and when it comes to stories, well they have the shittiest. a few times last year (or the year before) I posted a few times on the opinion section (related to the party pill fiasco) and while it achieved nothing, at least I could do it. you can still post opinions, but not on every article, just on the ones stuff decides you can.
and which articles are these? the ones with true controversy? the ones where public opinion could be handy to know? you can fuck off if you think those ideas because they open the opinion to the posts about “what are celebrities twittering about”.
I have a brilliant idea. stuff should open all stories to opinion, require a login, and allow more than one thread to be created for a story. turn it into a forum basically, but a news driven one. it would be a brilliant idea, and I’m probably giving away a million $$ idea by saying it, but it wouldn’t totally suck fat cock like their current “ruffle no feathers” attitude
as it turns out there might be a lot of things to hate. this might become a multi part episode of epic propungents
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