otago massacre


generic list by mrobotham
February 3, 2010, 10:53 pm
Filed under: rant, student life | Tags: , , ,

mrobotham

mrobotham

one of the greatest things of our mighty exploitative society is the fact that we have enough leisure time to use and extra resources to make glossy magazines for teenage girls to hone their marketed lifestyles
what makes it so amazing is that they sometimes contain lists
like bullet pointed lists that help to inform
of things that are “funny”/”interesting”/”ironic”/”generic as old people”
lists can be made by many people and in fact it’s likely your children will learn to one day make a “list”. this isn’t anything to worry about because I mean even you yourself have a pretty good idea exactly that lists are perfectly normal for people to make and use but they are also extremely effective at a number of tasks and frankly if you couldn’t make lists then it’s time for at least some of us to become afraid.

here’s my list of things that happen around the beginning of semester. nothing here is original or illuminating in any way. this will be like an uninteresting commentary to your rather ordinary life

id cards not a fan of getting them. i mean, I’m going to look like that for an entire year. not that it matters because usually the only people who need to see your ids are old people at end of semester, or if you’re lucky enough to walk into the social interaction that is “looking at other people’s identification”

course confirmation oh fucking god lining up in the link beside the side library entrance is something we all have to do (notice the vivid imagery I have projected into your mind)

PIMS man PIMS is like the friend that you have, but you don’t really ever see him until you need to use him for something he has access to but no-one else does. you may treate PIMS kinda like “your bitch” and if you do I don’t respect you

everyone is coming back or has come back already. some never left. it’s an interesection of human beings in a local community. people are really friendly at the moment. the sad stress of having to go to lectures and pay attention if you want marks takes it’s toll from the very second you go to your preliminary lecture. you’re almost a wee bit excited to get into it and you go there eager and keen – but reality shoves the foot in because from the start time you’re looking at the handouts going “fuck….*fuck*“. I think they should have an anonymous question and answer time where students and lecturer are thrust together in a battle for redemption. students think that it matters but the reality borne by the actions of the administration proves to us the age old knowledge come to life – that those above you rule your ass

rats I have this word in my head and I keep coming back to it when I try to think of another item for the list. it’s unusual because I normally have “dog” arrived in my head whenever I consult it for “random topic for the sake of arbitrariness”

stay hydrated you’re probably dehydrated. it must be a statistical certainty I’m sure – since I don’t drink enough water and I am not an outlier.
or don’t. just eat lots of vegetables and fresh if possible! but don’t not eat em. drink water too.

and so my list is over. some people put more effort into lists and some people even consider some lists important enough that they are to be worked on over the course of more than one quick session. lists like that must be pretty fucking cool and I think I can probably spot a list like that but as far as lists that I personally make it’s just not going to happen since if there is one thing I lack in my repertoire it’s anything good



welp by ophalm
January 6, 2010, 2:09 pm
Filed under: meta

ophalm

well it’s another year
and what of it?

I’ve spent the last couple months doing a lot of things, and one of them has been debating what to do with this site

and the conclusion is: just leave it the fuck alone..

it’s tempting almost to crank it back up for another year, but I don’t want just another year. it would have to be bigger and better than last year. and that would require money. I almost emailed a couple of places (the cook and PB technology) about sponsorshop, in fact I did email the cook but I must have put the wrong address in as it bounced back and my motivation was scarred..

(it also doesn’t help that wordpress is fucking out on me all the time. you just can’t get good shit for free no-more)

and so without money I can’t find a way to encourage more content and my mind has run out of wit and so while I’m not going to shut this down, don’t expect any kind of regular update or anything ever again.. unless for some reason there is massive public outcry but it’s unlikely seeing as I don’t think this site was really all that popular anyway

of course if other people want to contribute they can, if someone wants to take over I might even hand over the reigns if they seem worthy enough.. but these things are unlikely and I’m only putting them here to make it seem like there is a possibility something else may ever be posted here



rodstone #00012 by dangercore
December 1, 2009, 3:53 pm
Filed under: cartoon | Tags:

dangercore

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rodstone #00013 by dangercore
November 10, 2009, 3:53 pm
Filed under: cartoon | Tags:

dangercore

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my acceptance post by ophalm
October 12, 2009, 12:59 pm
Filed under: entertainment, student life, uni | Tags: ,

ophalm

I know you don’t really read critic anymore, but if you did you may have noticed that I (and this site) got nominated for “New Zelander of the Year”. not that I have a fucking clue what a new zelander is but I guess it’s meant to be some sort of privilege, even if the other candidates are probably space aliens I can still accept cheap digs as some sort of weak sauce compliment

and they’re dead on the money. I do strike fear into the crotches of the critic team and it is true that I ran out of material very early on and resorted to ripping the shit out of ads for old people’s house appliances that are likely to kill their owners.
but thats life and I don’t get paid for this shit and mostly I’m afraid that if I did get paid I’d have to compromise on my insightful slice of modern university life and that’s not what I’m about anymore. I once was, but that dude took it too far and even after saying the safe word he still penetrated deeper. I have a scar and now it aches every time I sit down and so it literally hurts in my butte to type these things out.

mast

two members of the critic team. I'm so proud of you guys

so “thanks” and maybe if you’re lucky you’ll get inappropriately touched next year too



is this the end? by ophalm
September 30, 2009, 11:33 pm
Filed under: meta, rant | Tags:

ophalm

is this the end? it’s certainly close to the end of semester and therefore the year. everyone has shitloads to do yet somehow still manage to procrastinate.

anyway, you’re unlikely to receive much new from this for the rest of the uni year and then it’s terribly fucking unlikely if anyone is likely to write anything during the 4 months between years.. soo…. maybe you’ll get lucky or maybe you won’t.. maybe you’ll have sex… or most likely you’ll probably be too drunk on that one opportunity that god gracefully gave you and not have sex the entire time so undoubtedly a fuck ton of masturbation will take place and cause you pangs of shame when out in public and someone points at the semen stains on your pants. this isn’t nice or pretty but neither are rugby stadium toilets after test matches and both happen in reality.

and after that 4 months, who knows? who cares about anything anymore? can anything change? will it? are we powerless? the answers are nobody, nobody, no, no and yes. a life’s lesson in a single sentence -> is there anything I can’t annihilate?

which brings me to the closing. at church they used to know that over the break they lose lots of christians to the “world”[1].. because they get exposed to the world and realise how fabulous it is and leave church.
so, on that note, you fuckers better not stop thinking over this break. working “jobs” causes you to think like a retard and read car magazines at lunch. don’t be that guy

punk

[1]I never understood why, despite that, they still have breaks? surely saving some teenagers from a firey pit is more important than the leaders having a break?



rodstone #00011 by dangercore
September 25, 2009, 3:53 pm
Filed under: cartoon | Tags:

dangercore

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