otago massacre

my acceptance post by ophalm
October 12, 2009, 12:59 pm
Filed under: entertainment, student life, uni | Tags: ,


I know you don’t really read critic anymore, but if you did you may have noticed that I (and this site) got nominated for “New Zelander of the Year”. not that I have a fucking clue what a new zelander is but I guess it’s meant to be some sort of privilege, even if the other candidates are probably space aliens I can still accept cheap digs as some sort of weak sauce compliment

and they’re dead on the money. I do strike fear into the crotches of the critic team and it is true that I ran out of material very early on and resorted to ripping the shit out of ads for old people’s house appliances that are likely to kill their owners.
but thats life and I don’t get paid for this shit and mostly I’m afraid that if I did get paid I’d have to compromise on my insightful slice of modern university life and that’s not what I’m about anymore. I once was, but that dude took it too far and even after saying the safe word he still penetrated deeper. I have a scar and now it aches every time I sit down and so it literally hurts in my butte to type these things out.


two members of the critic team. I'm so proud of you guys

so “thanks” and maybe if you’re lucky you’ll get inappropriately touched next year too


8 Comments so far
Leave a comment

nah, you pretty much were the most exciting thing to happen all year despite critic’s lol-worthy dig.

i’m still down with the insightful slice of uni life. beats emily on campus.

Comment by B

why would you beat emily? who is she

Comment by ophalm

was it dangercore that cause you that butte injury? you can tell me its safe here

Also 😦 at critic not giving me any textual analliguns in their article

Comment by criticalwat

also emily on campus is ODT’s thing about uni. I’m not saying she deserves to be beat but…

Comment by criticalwat

I found this website scrawled in the girl’s bathrooms in the Union. Hilarity! Where have you been all my liiiiiife?

Comment by M


the bigger question is why didn’t you use the toilet earlier..
now the year is over and you’re gonna have to wait till next year for new material

Comment by ophalm

I’ve noticed that thing in the girls toilet too, took me ages to find it, I might write it up in other toilets so more people can find it.

Comment by Lois Weathers

that’s how I want people to discover this site – while using a toilet. a dream truly

Comment by ophalm

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