otago massacre

this pamphlet predicts your future by ophalm
July 20, 2009, 6:00 am
Filed under: student life | Tags: , , , ,


the other day at student health while in the waiting line to get my colon evacuated after a particularly brutal night on the cough syrup I noticed a charming wee pamphlet


is my drinking ok? they’re probably talking about alcohol and not robotripping, so I do the quiz. it’s not fun like a facebook quiz because the end results aren’t “the vegetable you have the most in common with is – pumpkin” or “what ex shortland street star do you wish to date – robyn malcom” but they are “serious”

what kind of questions do they ask? questions like “how often you wake up needing a drink?”, and how often do you wake up feeling guilty after drinking?”. now that question is unfair because I always wake up from a drinking session feeling guilty regardless; but maybe that’s because of my answers to “how often are you unable to remember the night before?” combined with “how often do you injure someone as a result of drinking?”

anyway, come to the end of the pamphlet, the finishing line


and it reads like a horrorscope. “your drinking will cause you problems” and there you have it. our future predicted. it’s pretty gloomy I reckon. what about the fun times I have causing problems?

as a slightly serious note, the “problem” with this test, is while it might point out some issues, it’s just not realistic. according to another page the maximum drinks for one session is six (men) and four (woman) and during one week is twenty one (men) and fourteen (woman). those numbers are probably based on evidence. but asking students to not have more than four/six drinks in a session just causes a laugh. I know it’s what should be happening, but the theory/practice gap is so large that it’s pointless. but they can’t really advocate drinking more than that and saying thats ok….

maybe we should just smoke weed instead. if I have six beers and a fat bowl I feel pretty alright and if it’s good enough for me it’s good enough for our children


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