otago massacre

fuck umbrellas by ophalm
May 14, 2009, 6:00 am
Filed under: horrible, student life | Tags: , , ,

posted by ophalm


umbrellas at the core are a reasonable idea, especially this week. but why the fuck are they so poorly designed?


why is it so easy for umbrellas to go inside out? why are they made with some such flimsy material? why is the stitching so weak that they rip off their tips at the mere sight of wind?


I reckon that if I had tons of money, I could probably design a better umbrella. I wouldn’t aim for the most lightweight or necessarily the most compact, I’d just make them so they didn’t fucking suck.

what about an asymmetrical one that went low down the back to protect your backpack.. or maybe a gutter system so the water didn’t drip into your shoes? I’d probably also not have eye gouging tips either so you didn’t fear destroying the sight of passers by. I’d put reinforcing around the outside and sew the material to the spines at more than just one or two points. 

are these ideas really so hard to come up with? as it stands currently I’ll have to put up with utter shit for umbrellas but take solace in the only worthwhile application thus far:


I think you're using it wrong


4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Raincoats are good. People are just too embarrassed to wear them.

Comment by James

yeah but then you also need a decent waterproof bag..
and you enter a building dripping

Comment by ophalm

Yeah but you know what the worst umbrellas are? the ones that have the spring mechanism so they shoot up then out. Man those things are lethal and shoot water everywhere. Heres my idea tho, rather than an umbrella that you carry, what if they could come FROM your bag rather than walking round like an ass holding it about chest height etc

Comment by rogueview

um, james;; raincoats are shit.

the real problem here is rain. too busy trying to put a plaster on a broken leg with this embrella/raincoat debacle. if we can arrange the rain to stop we wouldn’t need these

i reckon it should only rain monday, tuesday and wednesday evenings. that should be enough

Comment by raincoat-h8r

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