otago massacre


om talent drive by ophalm
April 22, 2009, 12:20 pm
Filed under: meta | Tags:

due to rising popularity om needs more talent. it may seem like this site is somewhat narrow minded.. but this does not need to be. do you have a different opinion, something worthwhile to say on any reasonable topic? want to be able to publish independently of almost anything? join us and give otago your independent voice

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critic cavern 18/04/09* by ophalm
April 19, 2009, 4:49 pm
Filed under: entertainment, horrible, mockery, student life, uni | Tags: , , ,

posted by ophalm

why have I asterisked this critic cavern? because this date is slightly misleading. this isn’t an old approach to last weeks but an advanced “critique” of their forthcoming “edition”. why do I have this? I have a feeling someone on the inside of critic feels a threat. to be honest I don’t know how I got this new “episode” early but it’s proving to be to be quite the revealing “installment”

crit

well would you look at this. finally some recognition! it’s not really surprising that once critic got wind of the massacre that they’d be lining up to kiss my sweet ass. I do like their positive spin on how I view them, but I am slightly disappointed that anyone who reads that will have no idea what this site is, with no url to guide them… but big props (to us) for getting into the quotes section too. very humble critic..

but I wonder if they thought their new found love would mean maybe they’d be left alone or treated nicer.. as tempting as it would be to be a reasonable human being, this is the internet and that just won’t do.. plus they insulted my advanced form of punctuation – see I don’t believe in capital letters at the start of a sentence. down with traditions

so what else do we have this week? well the editorial consists of physical proof that the editor has little else to do than to complete facialbook quizzes and then employ the results from f’book’s finest “scienticians” (I’m p.sure amy stole that word from me..) to excuse their bias reporting of exec gossip. but let us be honest, other than critic and the execs themselves, who gives a fuck?

binge drinking is once again being portrayed in a negative light, since some fuckers decided to get on the waste and get in a fight on the union, and some other student gets too reckless at the casino. where are all the positive reports of binge drinking? well actually they do have an article on the hyde street binge a thon. sometimes I wonder if the people promoting “moderated” drinking should try an experiment. hold a keg party like the hyde street one, but limit everyone to 6 drinks. see how much more “fun” it is, and then reassess their goals. eitherway fags who get drunk and start fights are fucking losers and they deserve to have their names published. maybe if we all took mdma instead this wouldn’t happen? and I guess campus watch deserves some credit for stopping the fight. although they probably tried to plant cannabis on the kids who got beaten up

there’s some article on local music. probably a good thing. didn’t read it though, I only listen to fast crew. another article on futurology. I’d recommend only reading the last section of it. why? because it’s the only section I read.

turns out neal barber is gay, although I thought barbers were the straight ones and it was hairdressers that were gay? either way this guy strokes the cock, but isn’t ashamed of it. that’s something I’d like to download.

there’s an article somewhere about south dunedin. too much detail man. south dunedin is horrible and really I like to not think about it as much as possible. it’s so depressing to drive through and I can’t even imagine taking the bus there, being stuck without immediate vacatory abilities would leave me teary, and not the kind of teary that makes me look sensitive, but the kind of teary that comes before a fatal pancreatic stabbing

there’s some article about fashion too. now anyone generally who attempts to be on the edge of fashion always looks like a tool. current fashion trends have grown this doucheness to a whole ‘nother level though. but despite the potential positive approach to terrible fashion we could have had, we have a derision of a practical environmentally friendly form of transport. shame on your macmurdo. the other comments though are relatively spot on, expect maybe about the girls. I guess macmurdo fails by only viewing fashion from a fashion point of view. he does not realise that the girls that wear normal tops and tights – that while they may be committing a fashion faux pas – are actually giving the guys at uni something else to perv at. and don’t worry, we never get tired of checking out bitches (note – girls referred to as “bitches” may or may not actually be bitches, it’s a term of endearment)

is there anything else worth discussing? well I’ve already discussed at depth past the part of critic that has anything interesting, so no. they have no comics that I can find which is possibly a good move given the state of the comical world usually, but disappointing in the sense that bad comics are still more “entertaining” (as in, time consuming) than no comics.

so ‘thanks’ critic for the love and the ‘mutual love’ that we share, although further investigation would show to anyone that our relationship is more like one where we’re an abusive partner and they’re the abused mistress who is convinced that we are truly meant for each other, and that when I abuse them, it’s actually because I love them – maybe they’re right, or maybe they’re damn wrong. no-one will ever know



canberra sluts by ophalm
April 13, 2009, 4:50 pm
Filed under: horrible, meta | Tags:

posted by ophalm

as you may already know I get told by wordpress.com what people have searched for if they’ve arrived at this site from a websearch. I’ve actually tried some of these searches to see how far down this site is but I only use google and don’t find it half the time. still they end up here with these phrases somehow, because you just can’t make this shit up

unsuprisingly “otago massacre” is the most common form, but other golden search phrases are:

tamrtime globus

i was in a local healthy/expensive type

scatsex porn

gangsta cartoon pics

canberrra sluts

c3po costume

sealed tube reactions

fack as

dog makes a shit

tween panties

and possibly the best search phrase of all time

tamrtime illuminati



news watch easter by ophalm
April 10, 2009, 10:09 pm
Filed under: dunedin, entertainment, horrible, mockery | Tags:

posted by ophalm

it’s been a while. shit’s been going on but the two stars I just read were a bit of a gold mine really

news07

don't slide into the black hole!

a loose definition of pride.. now I’m not one to bag old people. one day I might be old, but this is mind boggling. a chair that helps you up! wow can life ever cease to surprise me? only $1250 too which for any pensioner is a bargain beyond potatoes. at least she looks content, until it goes too far and murders her

news01

someone other than the elderly are adopting technology – schools! maybe when my children get to school they’ll be learning about “science” and “maths” too

news02

there is nothing that could make this better apart from maybe having granddad himself in the motorised scooter. maybe trying to do a jump of a curb after the child

news03

now this is something I can get behind. I feel like the music industry is pretty fucked in all manners. is there a solution? maybe? it’s surely not the old system of cds and expensive music. what this guy is doing is in the right direction though. offering local music for a small cost and yeah – we need more of this

news04

apparently mayor peter chin is being resurrected at this church this easter. since I’m slow on the posting it’s too late but at least you know it was happening
 

news05
I just wanted to draw attention to how sad this is. this cat is called magnet and it’s been missing since january and they’ve paid money to get this long classified. sad times indeed

news06

the gist of this article is that there are problems with alcohol, and that the problems stem not from alcohol or society, but from it’s availability. anyone who has a clue knows that limiting where alcohol is brought from and the times it’s available is going to have minimal impact, only the fringe bingers who decide to buy another 12 pack of coronas for $32 at the night and day are going to be stopped.
binge drinking is a culture in nz that’s not going to go away any time soon. I don’t think it’s a particularly heathly culture but it’s there and it’s not due to alcohols immediate availability.
it’s like these people feel a requirement from the public to “do something” about it, so they sit there and change some little things, probably to complain in the future that they “did all they could do” and that the problem still exists.
I don’t have a solution, but I know for sure this isn’t it

news08

please dunedin love us again

it’s gotten serious all of a sudden hasn’t it? I just love this because f&p dump a whole lot of employees and move their workforce somewhere else, but then open a token store in the new shit mall and what are they hoping for? I hope dunedin boycotts this store (and the new mall) but knowing how retardedly consumer the general population is they’ll lap this shit up. it’s a sad age



critic cavern easter by ophalm
April 10, 2009, 4:57 pm
Filed under: entertainment, horrible, mockery, student life | Tags: ,

posted by ophalm

well it’s another lovely easter. thankyou to the jews for taking jesus to the sanhedrin, and to pontius pilate for not being willing to really consider jesus’s guilt and just ordering the crucifixion anyway to appease the jews. because of this situation we here in NZ get a couple of days off for easter

but earlier on in the week in an attempt to overshadow easter, critical publications released another “shitic” magazine. issue #6 apparently.

you know what? if there is one thing I hate more than boy racers, it’s grandma racers. and my hate is based purely upon drawings like the one on the cover of critic. I’ve seen this picture somewhere before, where I don’t remember but it’s what it stands for that I can’t stand. and that’s some form of retro something. “fuck retro anything” said tool and right here I agree. see this picture brews up some strong feelings from me, and it’s to due with what it’s trying to show (old people having fun) and breed some form of nostalgia for a time or event that never actually occurred outside of this stupid fucking picture

I thought it was nice and ironic that on the fourth page (apparently the cover is the first page) that there was an ad for air traffic controllers, debating the notion that you need to go to uni to earn money. now only r’tards would think that in order to earn money you need to go to uni and I don’t think anyone is even debating that but I wonder who this ad thinks their audience is – because it’s people who are already at uni, and it’s too late in the year to bail anyway. why not pitch this towards high school students or anyone who would actually be an air traffic controller? I mean, I haven’t done marketing like muhhammed clearly has but I do know a few things, like choosing your target demographic..

juicy is weak once again. facebook quizzes are lame we all know, and at least now you can turn them off, but critic won’t be able to take back their comment about being contented with Home and Away quizzes. why is critic condoning Home and Away anyway? it’s shitty and it’s conservative as all heaven – but maybe that’s the new angle. maybe universities are too liberal and in an effort to curb our “rebellious” attitudes towards the world they recommend we watch a brain numbing soap opera. I mean, sure they haven’t actually done that… or have they?

so critic is branding all asians as cheaters huh.. pretty extreme to blame all asians for the mistakes of few but that’s what critic is all about. it is interesting though, this asian approach to learning, the copying something because it’s good. someone told me that in x years that 90% of the world’s PhDs will be coming from china.. I surely hope this situation changes if that is to be the case.

does anyone read the OUSA executive reports? I do find the pictures of celebrities next to the names briefly interesting but you still can’t convince me to read this shit.

what’s this article on ecstasy on page 17? apparently someone needed to respond to the decent article on mdma with a slighty more “crazy” approach to taking ecstasy. I don’t get the point of it though. do they want to promote stereotypes? what does this article add? in a sense I like it, I’m all for the promotion of safe recreational drug usage, but on the other hand, this girl took 50 ecstasy tablets in a year, she’s not a sensible person to listen too. also if she’s such an expert why isn’t she pre and post loading with 5ht?

why sports will save the world by someone who doesn’t like sports.
the person automatically assumes that by affirming that they don’t like sports they will risk ostracision but that statement in of itself just goes to show how much the stupid nz media has convinced yet another person that everyone in nz needs rugby. the simple truth is that there is a hell of a lot of nzers that don’t love or even like rugby, and it seems like that number is growing. people ask me all the time if I like rugby and I often say “no” (or something even funnier – can you imagine what that would be?) but no-one cares. thank goodness our homogeneous love of a sport is all but dead in this country.
anyway – didn’t read much of the rest of the article but I have to say that either way I wasn’t impressed. everything is so cliche. the first few paragraphs about cavemen are a prime example. just read them and wonder to yourself what this person was thinking as he wrote them. maybe he was wondering that no-one had read anything like this before but the simple truth is that he throttles the cock at an astronomical rate and therefore can’t write for shit – too distracted

still on topp huh. were the topp twins ever on top? or was the truth second to a witty title. actually people I’m sorry I can’t be arsed doing anymore of this this week. the rest of the magazine is the same as it always is, the cartoon with the chicken and the jandals and socks is one of the worst things I have ever seen but I can’t build up enough energy to share the amount of rage that cartoon causes me – especially the note at the end of it. I ranted about clicheness before but this is beyond anything. but you’ll have to rage against it yourself.

I feel the cavern is becoming more and more brutal over time. at once it was a gentle ribbing and now it’s just destruction. I can’t hold back sorry



THE INTERNET IS GOLDEN PART H by dangercore
April 7, 2009, 6:00 am
Filed under: cartoon, horrible, nonsensical

posted by dangercore

stalincoke
FOR THOSE THAT DONT GET IT THATS JOEY STALIN AND HE WAS A RUSSIAN AMBASSADOR FOR COKE I THINK

stupiddog
I THINK THIS IS CRUEL TO BREED A DOG WITH SUCH A FUCKED UP FACE.

tigerlove
DO TIGERS MAKE LOVE IN THE MOONLIGHT OR DO THEY JUST DO IT OUT IN THE DAYLIGHT AND NOT CARE IF THE BEARS AND ZEBRAS (GIRAFFE) CAN SEE?

title-positive_housemouse
2/47 BITCHES! ACTUALLY I’D NEED TO SLEEP BUT YEAH IMAGINE IT

weedtruck
THIS IMAGE IS A SIGN THAT THE PHOTOGRAPHER HAS ACCESS TO ILLEGAL DRUGS. DELICIOUS TRUCK SIZED CANNABIS

1984
WELL I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I DO NOT WANT TO READ THIS BOOK ABOUT THE WORLDS SHITTEST DECADE. COMPUTERS SUCKED AND THEY WEREN’T YET AWESOME AND THE INTERNET WAS A GLEAM IN AL GORES EYE AND CHECK OUT THAT GUY – HE SUCKS



THE INTERNET IS GOLDEN PART G by dangercore
April 6, 2009, 6:00 am
Filed under: drugs, horrible, nonsensical

posted by dangercore

shittybatman
THERE ARE LESS THINGS RIGHT WITH THIS PICTURE THAN THERE ARE WRONG WITH IT

shroombible
I WONDER IF YOU TRIP ON THESE MUSHROOMS IF YOU BECOME HOLY. MAN THOSE WOULD GO DOWN A TREAT

slater
I DON’T KNOW IF YOU WATCHED SAVED BY THE BELL

solonely
THIS IS GUY IS A LOSER BY EVIDENCE OF THIS PHOTO. REALLY? MAYBE LIKELY BUT EITHER WAY HE IS LONELY! HIS GLASSES HIDE HIS TEARS AND HIS HEART CRIES OUT FOR COMPANIONSHIP

spraylawn
THIS IS HOW AMERICANS MAKE THEIR LAWNS SO GREEN! SOME SAY IT’S CHEATING BUT IT’S LIKE THE PAMELA ANDERSON OF GRASS