otago massacre


critic cavern easter by ophalm
April 10, 2009, 4:57 pm
Filed under: entertainment, horrible, mockery, student life | Tags: ,

posted by ophalm

well it’s another lovely easter. thankyou to the jews for taking jesus to the sanhedrin, and to pontius pilate for not being willing to really consider jesus’s guilt and just ordering the crucifixion anyway to appease the jews. because of this situation we here in NZ get a couple of days off for easter

but earlier on in the week in an attempt to overshadow easter, critical publications released another “shitic” magazine. issue #6 apparently.

you know what? if there is one thing I hate more than boy racers, it’s grandma racers. and my hate is based purely upon drawings like the one on the cover of critic. I’ve seen this picture somewhere before, where I don’t remember but it’s what it stands for that I can’t stand. and that’s some form of retro something. “fuck retro anything” said tool and right here I agree. see this picture brews up some strong feelings from me, and it’s to due with what it’s trying to show (old people having fun) and breed some form of nostalgia for a time or event that never actually occurred outside of this stupid fucking picture

I thought it was nice and ironic that on the fourth page (apparently the cover is the first page) that there was an ad for air traffic controllers, debating the notion that you need to go to uni to earn money. now only r’tards would think that in order to earn money you need to go to uni and I don’t think anyone is even debating that but I wonder who this ad thinks their audience is – because it’s people who are already at uni, and it’s too late in the year to bail anyway. why not pitch this towards high school students or anyone who would actually be an air traffic controller? I mean, I haven’t done marketing like muhhammed clearly has but I do know a few things, like choosing your target demographic..

juicy is weak once again. facebook quizzes are lame we all know, and at least now you can turn them off, but critic won’t be able to take back their comment about being contented with Home and Away quizzes. why is critic condoning Home and Away anyway? it’s shitty and it’s conservative as all heaven – but maybe that’s the new angle. maybe universities are too liberal and in an effort to curb our “rebellious” attitudes towards the world they recommend we watch a brain numbing soap opera. I mean, sure they haven’t actually done that… or have they?

so critic is branding all asians as cheaters huh.. pretty extreme to blame all asians for the mistakes of few but that’s what critic is all about. it is interesting though, this asian approach to learning, the copying something because it’s good. someone told me that in x years that 90% of the world’s PhDs will be coming from china.. I surely hope this situation changes if that is to be the case.

does anyone read the OUSA executive reports? I do find the pictures of celebrities next to the names briefly interesting but you still can’t convince me to read this shit.

what’s this article on ecstasy on page 17? apparently someone needed to respond to the decent article on mdma with a slighty more “crazy” approach to taking ecstasy. I don’t get the point of it though. do they want to promote stereotypes? what does this article add? in a sense I like it, I’m all for the promotion of safe recreational drug usage, but on the other hand, this girl took 50 ecstasy tablets in a year, she’s not a sensible person to listen too. also if she’s such an expert why isn’t she pre and post loading with 5ht?

why sports will save the world by someone who doesn’t like sports.
the person automatically assumes that by affirming that they don’t like sports they will risk ostracision but that statement in of itself just goes to show how much the stupid nz media has convinced yet another person that everyone in nz needs rugby. the simple truth is that there is a hell of a lot of nzers that don’t love or even like rugby, and it seems like that number is growing. people ask me all the time if I like rugby and I often say “no” (or something even funnier – can you imagine what that would be?) but no-one cares. thank goodness our homogeneous love of a sport is all but dead in this country.
anyway – didn’t read much of the rest of the article but I have to say that either way I wasn’t impressed. everything is so cliche. the first few paragraphs about cavemen are a prime example. just read them and wonder to yourself what this person was thinking as he wrote them. maybe he was wondering that no-one had read anything like this before but the simple truth is that he throttles the cock at an astronomical rate and therefore can’t write for shit – too distracted

still on topp huh. were the topp twins ever on top? or was the truth second to a witty title. actually people I’m sorry I can’t be arsed doing anymore of this this week. the rest of the magazine is the same as it always is, the cartoon with the chicken and the jandals and socks is one of the worst things I have ever seen but I can’t build up enough energy to share the amount of rage that cartoon causes me – especially the note at the end of it. I ranted about clicheness before but this is beyond anything. but you’ll have to rage against it yourself.

I feel the cavern is becoming more and more brutal over time. at once it was a gentle ribbing and now it’s just destruction. I can’t hold back sorry

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2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

it’s 5-HTP not 5-ht dude, get your facts right. and she most certainly does pre- and post- load with it (also with vitamin c and magnesium for your information) but not when critic imposes 900-word limits

Comment by 5-HTP

holy fucking shit may I bow down in your presence and bask in your superior understanding for one minute

I do guess that’s what you get when you write something for critic though – imposition

Comment by ophalm




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