otago massacre


critic cavern 1/04/09 by ophalm
April 1, 2009, 6:20 am
Filed under: entertainment, mockery | Tags: , , ,

posted by ophalm

there was no critic this week….

actually that’s my april fools joke. “LOL”. but maybe if critic had actually done that they would have avoided urinating on themselves this week

I read this weeks critic a day late while on the toilet in the hunter centre. the hunter centre is apparently very resource friendly, although I’m sure it cost a lot more $$ to make it that way. not a fan of the big doors to be honest but the urinal is satisfactory and the feeling of superiority of being in there for a reason is second only to not being a student

so what have we got into today’s scat pile? more of the same? yep. different uninteresting garbage? yep. I have come to expect nothing less and certainly nothing more. it makes the times they actually do have a good article that much more of a bonus though. still, monday’s where critic doesn’t suck are monday’s nonetheless

by the way – too damn lazy to scan anything in this week. i’ve got far more important things going on in my life (new life?) so I bet you’re wondering why I’m doing this at all? because you’re reading it that’s why. if I didn’t do it how would you be reading this?

juicy
boring. dude that looks like he should be reaming his childhood best friend but apparently he plays sport. sports are for losers ok? don’t forget that.

power plugs
all you laptop rearing fags can now have a place to plug in. last year like a real ingenius I took an extension cord and 4way adapter to uni to solve the problem. it possibly looked nerdy but then I went upstairs at the link and saw guys playing “magic: the gathering” so then I felt like the coolest guy who also had power to his laptop so all is well.
also now all you steve job cock strokers can tell the world that you spent more money on a laptop than other people more often too, so I guess it works in everyone’s favour

paying off student loan
I imagine like most students I don’t consider my student loan. I get a statement yearly and I shudder and due to an aversion of anything unpleasant I file it away knowing that regardless of what it is, it’s not going to change my student life or my post student life. that’s all the thinking for an entire year. don’t let anyone ever tell you that ignorance isn’t bliss

complexities and conundrums
well what we have here is the insane rantings of the coincidentally named “adam smith”
it’s like he had a wee meth pipe sitting next to him as he typed it, making a bargain with himself that for each paragraph he wrote he was aloud another hit. it starts out relatively sanely but the sanity runs short long before the P fueled keyboard raping could end
to my uneducated eye it seems like the rantings of a person who wants to get a hold of the economic situation, and probably reads a lot about it, but still doesn’t really understand a single thing. he makes some good points, I mean, I think the economy and the way the free market runs is pretty bullshit – but I don’t write in critic with a name like adam smith

nature bullshit
nah, nature is awesome. I have nothing to say about these articles. they’re probably good but I only have time to read the articles I’m going to deride these days so I skipped them, briefly noting their existence for this note of their existence

bunch of fives
lois weathers tells me that they only interview those with funny hats. only two of the five have hats and only one is odd. what the shit lois?
quite the scientific study this. I wish I ran bunch of fives. maybe I could make my own? I’d ask hard hitting questions about their sexual performances and what they consider the best “bang for buck” drink around. those aren’t really hard hitting sorry; to be honest I just don’t want to ask anything that’s of any value other than quick cheap entertainment value

healthy lifestyle in a bottle?
I made a note to myself to make an interesting post about healthy lifestyle week and the irony that it lasts only a week but once again too damn busy but here’s an article to have a stab at
but my stabs would be misdirected, as it raises a good point about the consumerism surrounding vitamins.
overdoses of vitamin pills kill more people than cannabis – don’t forget that

quote of the week
“I have learned that sandwiches are now $8 on campus, and that it costs $2 more for pesto. Pesto! Fuck you Dunedin, you’ve changed”
he speaks for me. not that I know what dunedin was like years and years ago but I get the impression $8 sandwiches it wasn’t and somehow I don’t feel a move towards a more “metro” flavour is good as much as it is pandering..

the rest
same shit different week really. read it for yourself, I know I didn’t

Advertisements

2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

did I do it?
Hey Ophalm do you want me to start running bunches of 5’s?
I could totally do it

Comment by Lois Weathers

of course that would be excellent but also quite time consuming I imagine considering what this site is..

Comment by ophalm




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s



%d bloggers like this: