otago massacre


Student Feng shui by strangelyanonymous
March 30, 2009, 12:59 am
Filed under: guide, nonsensical, philosophy, student life | Tags:

posted by strangelyanonymous

As an aspiring child of knowledge it is imperative that you arrange your living space to best capture the energy flow to harmonize your life and learning. Drawing on millennia of ancient knowledge and improvable statement I present here to you the complete feng shui guide for students.

1: always keep your window open because it will allow circulating chi to be rejuvenated and will go some way to removing the odors that are incontrovertible proof of your atrocious lifestyle.

3: Always keep a teddy bear in plain view in your room. Teddy bears are strongly symbolic of new life and will give the impression to visitors that you have a soft side and are not a sociopath. In contrast always keep the chainsaw out of sight.

12th: If you have a picture of Ghandi in your room (and lets be honest, who doesn’t?) ensure that you maximise the flow of pacifism through the image by writing the word ‘wuss’ in italicised boldface captials. The finished text should look similar to this: “WUSS“.

6: Instead of using cumbersome drawers or filing cabinets, store your treasures and important documents close to earth so they can absorb the natural aura of mother nature to keep them safe. Under the floorboards is usually the best place for keeping human remains and/or blackmail photos of StudyLink staff in compromising positions.

H: Your textbooks are representative of western consumer philosophy – which is bad for your karma. Do not let them into your room, your inner sanctum. For reasons I can’t get into here, I recommend burning them and coating yourself in the ashes while singing Kumbayah ever-so-softly.

5: To enhance concentration in times of mental fatigue, try burning methamphetamine incense. The welcoming aroma from these mystical crystals will remind you of open fields and forgotten vendettas – re-invigorating your focus.

4: Try to keep as many used food containers as possible in your room. The residual life force will become apparent during the waxing of the lunar cycle and they will come in handy for those 4am scrambles to find something to vomit in.

2: To alleviate stress in difficult times – move your bed to block the doorway in the north wall. This will keep the calming natural essences locked into your living area as well preventing the man outside from getting in and attacking with a golf club you for what you did to his first-year daughter behind the Gardies car park.

***

If you follow these simple rules you will have no trouble flying through your degree with barely adequate marks and you’ll be suckling at the teat of capitalism in no time. Plus you get that photo of you in the gown and silly hat. Hang it on the east wall to minimize the flow of broken dreams that emanates from it.

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5 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Haha this is real funni. my flatmts room is soo like this! Its like yuk! mouldy food evrywhr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comment by Sexybitch2000

yeah I think I could incorporate a few of those into my life – might be a change for the better

is there any particular way I should brush my carpet?

Comment by ophalm

wat? haha what do u mean brush ur carpet?

Comment by Sexybitch2000

brush my carpet in the correct feng shui directions. do you not brush your carpet? how do you live with yourself 😉

Comment by ophalm

hehehehe

Comment by Sexybitch2000




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